The Courtyard
by Eat a Taco
Summary: Love is not something Remus Lupin likes. So what happens when Tonks decides that she's going to get hold of this werewolf once and for all? Begining of OotP to end of HBP. COMPLETE, huge thanks readers and reviewers! Over 15,000 hits!
1. Girlish Schemeing

_**Chapter One**_

_**Girlish Scheming**_

"Seems like a Confundus Charm, an extremely powerful one."

"I completely agree, but she has a glazed look in her eye, is that normal?"

"It was just powerful, I wouldn't put it past Lucius to put a few other charms on her as well..."

"That's what _I_ was thinking..."

The voices, though whispers, were echoing softly down into the kitchen where Remus and Sirius sat in silence, sipping butterbeer quietly. They had reached an unspoken understanding that they wouldn't talk about how the world was now outside the Order meetings, things were grim enough. However, the solid silence was not much better than discussing the times bearing down upon them, as neither could think of some forced, happy conversation. Sirius, however, couldn't help himself.

"Think Tonks got the plans?" he asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

Thinking it would be pointless to pretend that he hadn't been listening to every word with great interest, Remus shrugged. "If she's been cursed, it's hard to say. I think it's safe to guess that she made it to the Ministry, or else there would be no reason to go for her."

"Except for the fact that she's an Auror," Sirius said, smiling grimly.

"Yeah, there's that," he said, trying to shrug the weight of anticipation off his shoulders. He took a sip of butterbeer. It didn't warm the empty feeling in his body. He felt like there was nothing in there at all. His heart felt like there was a hole in it's place, and it seemed that there was nothing filling in his flesh.

"Well, we'll need the plans for the meeting in four days, if we don't have them..." Sirius's voice trailed off. Remus grunted softly. He and Sirius sat in silence. Sirius sighed and when he spoke, it was in a deadened, hollow voice that he had had in the Shrieking Shack. "I suppose I'll go help Kingsley and Emmeline. They'll probably need it with Tonks, whatever happened to her." Lupin just nodded idly. The empty feeling in his body had not left him, and he didn't feel like he could speak. The words felt like they died before they had even reached his mouth. When Sirius had left, he stood up and put his hands on the back of the chair. He stared hard at the table, lost in half-formed thoughts that he wasn't even sure were there.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Tonks snuck down the stairs quietly, completely cured of her Confundus Charm. She heard Sirius walking up the steps from the kitchen, bidding a gloomy and tired goodbye to Lupin. Both had been severely subdued, like most of the Order. However, seeing Sirius come up those steps and hearing him bade Lupin goodbye had made her heart skip. She knew she was being girlish. She knew she was being stupid. But she just couldn't resist. When she heard Sirius come closer, she slid her eyes out of focus and skipped a step, so she fell and knocked over the troll leg umbrella stand. Right on cue, Sirius' mother started screaming. He glanced at her, and smiled weakly when she wobbled weakly on the spot and blinked innocently. Molly Weasley came up and almost mimicked Sirius's look exactly, and the two of them started on the screaming portrait.

"_FILTH! HORRIBLE, VILE AND VULGAR HALF BREEDS, BLOOD TRAITORS, BETRAYERS OF THE NOBLE AND MOST ANCIENT HOUSE OF BLACK! FILTH! HOW I..." _she continued to screech at the top of her lungs, her mad eyes rolling, but Tonks quietly ignored her. Smiling as more portraits yelled, awoken by Mrs. Black, she sneaked behind the door to the kitchen and closed it silently, dimming the screams of her Great Aunt. She crept down the stairs and stopped five steps from the entrance and tried to peek through the gap in the curtain. Lupin was there, and he was alone. Tonks suppressed a girlish giggle. She knew it was a stupid crush, but it had burned in her like a flame since the second they met. For a fleeting moment, Tonks thought her plan over. When she realized she was actually going to _do_ it, it felt stupid. She could turn around right now, forget it. Remus looked incredibly solemn, should she dare bring herself to disturb him? That adorable grey-flecked hair, the inquisitive shine behind his eyes, the way his lips formed a secret smile when he was pleased...

Tonks smiled, unable to control herself. So what if she was being rash? She couldn't hide her feelings like she had done from every guy at Hogwarts. She wasn't a kid anymore, if she didn't make a move...

She trampled loudly down the last few steps, hoping her imitation of a lightly done Confundus Charm would be good enough to fool him. She walked into the doorframe before entering. She thought it would be a nice touch.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Lupin had looked up as he heard someone crashing down the stairwell, the faint screeches of Mrs. Black following them. He saw a flash of pink hair hit the doorframe.

"Hello, Tonks," he said gently, noticing the slightly out of focus eyes and the way she swayed slightly on the spot.

"Hello," she said, slightly buoyantly. She bounced and swayed toward him, a flicker of a smile

playing lightly on her lips.

"Are you doing okay?" he said, holding his gentle tone. Tonks just smiled widely at him, swaying a little. She was having a party in her head, the way he was speaking to her suggested that her act was going very well. She dared to go a few steps closer, and stopped right beside him.

"Hello," she repeated dully, swaying. She yawned, and put her head on his shoulder. Lupin jumped a bit. Her touch had warmed him much more sufficiently than the butterbeer, but it ebbed away as quickly as it had come. He shoved her off lightly.

"You don't know what you're doing, Nymphadora," he said, and even though his voice was gentle, Tonks sensed the stern tone he felt like taking behind it. She opened her mouth to correct him, tell him to call her 'Tonks,' but she closed it quickly, doubting that it would be how a slightly confunded person would act. "You'll feel much more yourself after a nice rest. Come on, let's get up to your room," he said, coaxing her forward. Sensing defeat, Tonks obeyed, hoping her disappointment that they hadn't gotten more romantic didn't show. Not that she thought they would even get to a simple hug, but still. They trudged up the stairs, Tonks dragging her feet slightly. When they reached the fourth floor landing, Remus took the door on the right and opened it for her. She was surprised when he followed her in. "Just lie down now," he said, "and close your eyes. Take a little nap and you'll feel much more yourself when you wake up." he turned to leave. Tonks had a sudden idea. Another rash, sudden, idea.

"Don't leave!" she said, trying to sound slightly panicky. "Don't leave me," this one made her sound truly pathetic. Lupin turned and saw her wide eyes, and felt a rush of sympathy. He clenched his fists and let out a deep breath, making his way back to the bed. He sat down upon it near Tonks' head, and he busied himself with pulling a few loose threads off his robes. "Thank you," she said breathlessly, watching him. She didn't feel the least bit tired, but she could just watch him.

"Now just go to sleep," he said, looking at her and noticing the open eyes. He stroked her hair lightly. His touch sent shivers down her spine. It was all she could do to try and calm herself down before her heart exploded, the way he was rhythmically stroking her hair was killing her. She took a few deep breaths and stared up at Remus. His shoulders were slumped, and his eyes had large bags. He needed a nap more than she did. After a while, she decided she had to do _something_ about it. This wasn't a love scheme, she told herself. It was a good deed.

"I can't sleep," she said, slurring her words slightly and looking up at him blearily. Lupin sighed.

"You'll feel much better after a rest," he said wearily, stroking her head. "Just lean back and close your eyes," he said, demonstrating slightly. "And...and breathe dee–" he failed to stifle a huge yawn. "–ply. Deeply." She smiled at him and rolled over, further away from him. He put one of his legs up onto the bed, turning slightly as he did so, so he was parallel to Tonks. "Just relax," he said, the eyes he had opened drooping again. He let out a long breath. Slowly, Tonks heard his breath turn deep and rhythmic. She poked her head up and glanced at him. He looked oddly lopsided. He was leaning halfway back and one of his legs was pushed up against the end of the bed. Tonks rolled gently off the bed, landing lightly on her feet. She got up and stood next to Remus, who looked adorably handsome and serene asleep. She brushed his grey-flecked hair out of his face and pulled his other leg up onto the bed gently. She pushed him back onto the pillow and covered him and his extra-shabby robes with a the blanket. He rolled over and huddled under them. He was so cute when he was asleep. Tonks smiled at another sudden thought. She was hopeless. But she didn't care. She leaned forward and pressed her lips lightly on his own. Her heart skipped when his lips twitched into an unmistakable smile as she pulled away.

"It wasn't _technically_ a kiss," she told herself as she closed the door. But she didn't believe it. Not one bit.


	2. Rescue Mission or Show of Affection?

**A/N: **Reviewers: I've put my replies to your reviews here because my e-mail was being messed up, I couldn't reply to them. Anyway, sorry about that. This chapter was a lot harder to write then I thought. (I'd also like to let you know that I have serious POV issues)

The **BOLD **is directly quoted from the book, it is wonderful Ms. Rowling's, and there is quite a lot, seeing as half this chapter is an actual scene from the book.

**Disclaimer:** If I owned this it wouldn't be FanFic

_Klappa:_ Thanks! Here's more, hope you haven't been waiting forever.

_Taela: _I HAVE POTENTIAL! I'M SO EXCITED!****Kidding, kidding, thanks though, I really

appreciate that you told me it's written really well.

_Rune Traverse: _There is more knocking over of the umbrella stand to come! I love the

Tonks/Remus pairings, too! It is, by far, the best adult pairing. (Followed closely by a Lily/James, but only because it's fun to write!) P.S.: Tonks gets sneakier by the minute! I love writing a sneaky Tonks, she's so much fun!

_Charmes Malheuruex: _Here's your update, thanks for saying it's well written!

Another note: I'll try and get these reviews to you personally.

Anyway, I think I bored you with enough of an old man's wheezing waffle. Let us begin!

– – – – – – – – – –

_**Chapter Two**_

_**The Advance Guard: Rescue Mission or Show of Affection?**_

The next day passed without much incident, Remus had slept for the rest of the day yesterday and Tonks had helped Sirius feed Buckbeak Today, it seemed, Remus had almost avoided her, and she and Hestia Jones had gotten rid of the boggart in the kitchen cabinet alone, even though Remus had nothing to do. And even though he had given her a perfectly friendly 'hello' when she came into the kitchen that morning, he had left the room whenever she entered it, and he seemed to be determinedly avoiding her gaze. But it all changed when Mundungus Fletcher showed up around eleven pm.

Remus had been skirting out of the entrance hall from Tonks when he staggered in.

"Where's Dumbledore?" he hissed urgently.

Remus had moved forward, Tonks following him in his wake. "I think in the kitchen,

discussing something with Snape. Why?"

"Because," Mundungus said, running his fingers through his ginger hair. "It's about Harry. Dementors. Two, apparently. Harry had to get rid of 'em. Figgy just told me. The kitchen? I don't care about Snape I need to see Dumbledore. Tell someone and get an owl to Harry at his aunt and uncle's. I have to see Dumbledore." Tonks gave Lupin a frightened look. Dementors? In little Whinging? As Mundungus descended the stairs, Lupin started muttering.

"Damn it!" he said brutally. "Harry must've done a patronus charm..." Arthur Weasley staggered into the hall.

"Arthur!" Tonks said, "Harry's just done magic, he did a..."

"I know, I know!" he said distractedly. "I'm looking for Dung, gotta ask him if it _was_ a Patronus..._why_ he'd be doing a patronus charm..."

"Dementors were there, Arthur," Lupin said quietly.

Arthur swore loudly. "I'll be getting back to the Ministry. Make sure Dumbledore is informed..." he turned in place and with a crack like a whip he was gone.

Two days later a large assortment of wizards were standing outside the door of Grimmauld Place.

"I don't think we need this many..."

"Oh, shut up, Remus, you want to see Harry as much as we do," Tonks teased, looking around at the huge amount of people milling around the entrance hall. "You know, I don't see why Sirius couldn't of come..."

"Dumbledore doesn't want him to, that should be enough." Tonks looked up, Arthur had arrived back at the door.

"You're not coming too, are you?" she said incredulously, raising her eyebrows. Arthur laughed and shook his head.

"No, no, just checking in," he said, making his way through the crowd of people. "Got to talk to Molly for a moment..."

"I'd save your conversation for later, Dad," Bill said, coming down the stairs. "Mom's in a right mood, she just saw the beginning of my letter to Fleur," he said roguishly, "She flew off the handle at the sight of 'Dear Love,' thank god she didn't see the rest of it," he said. Suddenly, his smile widened. "...but at least I don't call her 'Mollywobbles' when we're alone," he said, laughing while his father reddened behind the neck. Tonks stifled a laugh and glanced at Remus. He, however, was looking in the other direction, eyes averted from the crowd. There was a reason for this, and though Tonks didn't know why he had been skirting around her in corridors, Remus did. And he didn't like his reasoning. _You're too old for her Remus, for god sakes,_ he thought to himself. _You have hardly any money, and you're a werewolf, in case you haven't noticed! Plus, _he though miserably, trying to reassure himself, _she doesn't love you._ But this was a downright lie. She had kissed him, only a few days ago she had kissed him, while she had thought he was asleep. _She kissed you, _another, bolder, side of his mind repeated. _Tell me she doesn't love you now, Remus,_ the evil part of his head said snidely. _And it's not like you don't love her._ But he knew he couldn't love anyone, not now, not ever. _Avoid her,_ he had said to himself, _ignore and avoid and keep yourself away from her at all costs. She's a friend, nothing more. Don't let her talk to you, _he had reasoned wildly, _then you'll forget about her, and you can't love her if you don't know her,_ but this had proved much harder than he thought. She seemed to pop up wherever he was, and now he couldn't avoid her. This was the Order of the Phoenix, she was a member, he would see her often. And now it was unavoidable. He sighed and smiled uncertainly, feeling Tonks' gaze. She smiled widely when she saw his face. So wizened and weather-beaten and intelligent...she let out a sigh of longing, hoping it would be drowned out by the voices of the six other people around her.

"Okay, everyone," growled a voice. Moody limped through the crowd with unmistakable clunks of his leg and his magical eye swiveling extremely fast. He, like everyone else, was clutching his broomstick loosely behind his cloak. "We all know the plan? Yeah?" he asked, limping forward a few step more. "I've told the great muggle's they've won some lawn competition..." Tonks let out a snort. Moody's magical eye swung to the side of his head, right at her.

"You? _You _did the luring?" she said snidely, unabashed. "You have as much charm as a manticore, if you can lure someone successfully then I write for the _Prophet_." Remus snorted. Tonks' young, heart-shaped face turned on him, smiling widely at the look on his face.

Moody opened his mouth in retaliation, could think of nothing to say, and turned back to the majority of the crowd, who were all keeping determinedly straight faces. "Anyway, everyone know where we're apparating? To the _end of the road _in Little Whinging. _The end of the road_, and then we'll move in on signal, got that?"

"_Yes_, Mad-Eye," Remus said, stepping in front cutting over Tonks in one smooth move, as she had just opened her mouth to make a retort to the repetitive comment. He needn't have wasted time on words. His hand had smoothly gone around her waist and Tonks was temporarily breathless.

They stood on the doorstep of Number Four, Privet Drive, Moody in front, forcing the door. It had only just occurred to Tonks how strange if the muggles saw them all. With an almighty click the door opened and Mad-Eye stepped in, Hestia behind him, freezing the alarms. It was pitch black inside the house.

"Someone unlock his door," Elphias Dodge said loudly, and by the sounds of it he was near the kitchen.

"How do you know it's locked?" This was Dedalus Diggle, if Tonks strained her eyes she could just see his stupid top hat. She glanced at where she knew Lupin was. She grabbed his hand and felt him jump.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

He knew it was her. That was her hand. Plus, it was a very Tonks thing to do. Remus tried to twist his hand out of hers, trying with all his might to remember his policy, forgive and _forget_, but it was hard to at the moment, her hands were smooth and young, it was almost radiating heat into his cold hand, so weather-beaten it occasionally looked like he was wearing gloves. And then he felt it. Up against his face. He was only vaguely aware of the heated sounds of an argument between Jones and Diggle. She was right there. Next to his face and then–

He knew it was her lips. He knew it was her. He knew she was doing something extremely inappropriate, this was not happening, her lips were soft and warm and relaxing but they were not leaving his...

Remus staggered backward, trying to back away from Tonks only halfheartedly. He felt a cabinet crash and something that sounded like glass shattered on the floor. It seemed like a plate. Suddenly, the hand left his and so did the lips.

"Geez, Remus, you're getting as bad as me!" But he knew that this was just cover up, but it wasn't working. No matter what Tonks said. He knew her lips.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

She could tell he knew it was her. She could just tell. From the second she had lit her wand she felt him glancing at her periodically. Embarrassed, she focused all her attention onto Harry. **"Oooh, he looks just like I thought he would," **she said, glancing up at him from behind her wand. **"Wotcher, Harry!" **She heard Kingsley talking to him. She glanced at Remus and she saw his head jerk away quickly. She suppressed a smile.

"**Are you quite sure it's him Lupin?" Mad-eye growled. "It'd be a nice lookout if we bring back some Death Eater impersonating him. We ought to ask him a question only the real Potter would know. Unless anyone brought any Veritaserum?"**

"**Harry," **said Lupin, **"What form does your Patronus take?" **he asked, furrowing his brow slightly. He looked so cute that way. _Well,_ said a voice in her head, _he's _always_ been cute._

Harry answered immediately. **"A stag."**

"**That's him, Mad-Eye," said Lupin. **There was a moment of muffled silence as Harry came down the stairs, the whole of the guard was staring at him avidly. Suddenly, Mad-Eye let out a yell.

"**Don't put your wand there, boy!" roared Moody. "What if it ignited? Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know!"**

"**Who d'you know who's lost a buttock?" **Tonks asked, smiling and marveling at how Moody could turn anything into an eventual mass murder.

**Never you mind, you just keep your wand out of your back pocket!" **Moody growled. He started muttering something to Harry that Tonks couldn't hear. _Probably more stuff about lost buttocks,_ she thought tiredly, listening with only half interest. She jumped when she heard Lupin's voice, talking to Harry quietly. He had been a professor in his third year. _He does look a lot like a professor, _she thought, looking at his face and hair. The lips she had just kissed...

But she knew how wrong she was to do that.But she didn't care. Suddenly, she heard Harry clearly, hearing a piece of the conversation. He had said something about the Dursleys being out.

"**Lucky, ha!" **she said, laughing slightly. She told Harry about the letter she had sent by muggle post. She was on the verge of telling him how Mad-Eye had tried to steal the limelight and take her credit, but he had moved back to Lupin, wondering when he was leaving. The slowly moved into the kitchen, Moody was sitting at the table, swigging from his hip flask.

"**This is Alastor Moody, Harry," Lupin** said, pointing to where he sat. Tonks couldn't help thinking how weird it must be, being introduced to someone that he thought he knew. **"And this is Nymphadora ––"**

"**_Don't _call me Nymphadora, Remus," **she said, looking at him sternly but hardly keeping down her smile. She could feel the flirtatious glint in her eye. **"It's Tonks."**

"— **Nymphadora Tonks, who prefers to be known by her surname only," finished Lupin. **He was looking at her with a smile dancing on his lips.

**So would you if your fool of a mother had called you 'Nymphadora,'" Tonks muttered**, casting a surly glance at Remus. He smiled at it, introducing Harry to the other wizards and witches in turn. But his mind wasn't on that. At the moment he was once again staring at Tonks out of the corner of his eye, waiting to see how long he could do it before she caught him. He knew he shouldn't. He knew he couldn't. But he did. Suddenly the room was filled with angry hisses, and Moody growled at Harry to shut it.

"**We're not discussing anything here, it's too risky," **he said, and Lupin knew immediately Harry had asked about Lord Voldemort. Actually, he was surprised that he hadn't brought it up before now. An awkward and slightly unnatural silence had fallen, broken suddenly by Mad-Eye, whose eye was sticking up through the back of his head.

"**Mad-Eye you do know that's disgusting, don't you?" **Tonks said, wincing at Moody as he popped out his eye and putting it in the glass Harry had brought him. It started to whiz around in its glass and it did make Lupin a bit queasy to watch it, so instead he focused on telling Harry how they were to get to Grimmauld Place, and how he was an excellent. He had seen him first hand, and the first time he had watched had also been the first time he had produced a fully fledged, corporeal patronus. He glanced at his watch.

"**You'd better go and get packed, Harry, we want to be ready to go when the signal comes," **he told him, glancing out the window as if it would come any second.

"**I'll come and help you," said Tonks brightly **as she followed Harry up the stairs, and Lupin had a sudden urge to go too. He knew that_ that _was probably a terrible idea, as he would be more alone with Tonks there than anywhere else, but he wanted to be alone with Tonks. No matter how much he denied it, the truth remained that he did. Moody replaced his eye with another squelch that slowly brought Remus back to earth. He searched around in his pocket and quickly found the letter he had written to the Dursleys earlier that day. He began rummaging around some drawers for the envelopes, and slowly the tension in the room was starting to break. Kingsley and Sturgis were examining the microwave, tapping it in various places and jumping when Kingsley pressed the button that opened the door. Hestia Jones peeked in the drawers that Remus had left open while looking for envelopes. Suddenly, she burst into hysterical laughter. Remus looked up.

"What?" he asked, but he saw immediately. He shook his head and went back to the drawers, one in which he had just found a letter opener and a few envelopes, leaving Hestia and a few of the others to laugh at the potato peeler. He was sealing the letter when Tonks and Harry returned, the trunk flying down the stairs in front of them like a canon ball. **"Excellent," **he said,** looking up as **they **entered. "We've got about a minute, I think. We should probably get out into the garden so we're ready. Harry, I've left a letter telling you're aunt and uncle not to worry–-"**

"**They won't," said Harry.**

"**That you're safe –-"**

"**That'll just depress them."**

"–– **and you'll see them next summer."**

"**Do I have to?"**

**Lupin smiled **weakly and looked around the room, only to catch Nymphadora looking at him. He winked and smiled lightly. "Now we're even" he mouthed to her a Alastor Disillusioned Harry, who know looked like a human chameleon in the kitchen. Moody instructed him outside and he obeyed hastily, but somehow Tonks and Remus got slowly thrown to the back. Right before they stepped out Tonks grabbed the back of his robes.

"Both buttocks still on?" she whispered, and grabbed his behind as he yelped quietly as she left, and he had no choice but to follow her into the garden, blushing furiously.


	3. The Meeting

**Disclaimer: **_I have a 3 dollars, a piece of string, some gummy bears, and a penny I just found in my pocket. If I owned Harry Potter I'd be richer than the queen. Do you think I'm richer than the queen? (I'm not) _

P.S. The **Bold **is the wonderful Miss Rowling's.

**A/N: **Thank you, reviewers! Sorry it took a while to get this chapter up, I was almost done when we went down to vacation at the Cape. My internet connection failed, and I was forced to wait posting a week. tear If you hate this chapter, bear with me, okay? I promise the next chapter is _much _better, I love writing about Remus and Tonks when they're...(not going to tell you! You'll see next chapter!) Anyway, hope you like it...:

_**Chapter Three**_

_**The Meeting**_

"You know how embarrassing that was?" Lupin hissed out of the corner of his mouth, trying desperately to warm his hands.

"Yes," she hissed back as a few more members swooped down. "But it's not like you don't know why I did it..."

"As a matter of fact, I _don't_" he said irritably, though this was a downright lie. He had a right good idea why she had kissed him twice and...he tried to forget it, but even imagining it he blushed lightly.

"Oh fine! Do you _really _need to be told? I'll tell you right now, right here, and..."

"**In a minute," Lupin said quietly **to her, but when he looked away he saw Harry, who apparently was under the impression that he had answered a question of his. He was pulling a guilty face when he felt a warm, smooth, young hand enclose around his shivering one. "Oh no," he groaned quietly under his breath as Moody rummaged around, looking for something. He knew whose hand it was, and felt her face beside his.

"Is this embarrassing?" she whispered. Her breath tickled his ear. Remus shivered, though he was sure that it had nothing to do with the cold.

"No," he said, quietly aware that he was somewhat telling the truth, though still trying to pull away, "but it is warm." He could almost feel Tonks blush as she wrenched away her hand. Suddenly, Remus heard Harry speak.

"**What's the Order of the –- ?" Harry began.**

"**Not here, boy!" snarled Moody, "Wait till we're inside!" **Mood glanced around the darkened street and set fire to a piece of paper with his wand tip.

Harry looked left and right. **"But where's — ?"**

"**Think about what you've just memorized," said Lupin quietly.** Tonks felt her knees buckle. His voice was like a seductive dark chocolate, and at that very moment she had seen him absentmindedly touch the hand she had grabbed. A look of utter shock started to spread on Harry's face, and Tonks knew immediately what was happening. She had gotten the same look when she had first seen Number 12, Grimmauld Place. Moody prodded Harry through to the door ahead of all of them. **Lupin pulled out his wand and tapped the door once.** As the **many** familiar** loud **and** metallic clicks and the clatter of the chain **occurred, allowing them into Grimmauld Place, he could feel Tonks' eyes boring into his back. 'Or somewhere else,' he thought with a shudder. **"Get in quick, Harry" **he **whispered. "But don't go far inside and don't touch anything,"** he continued, glad to have an excuse to get his mind off Tonks. But the blessing was a short one. Tonks was bringing forward Harry's trunk and his owl's cage, so he reluctantly stepped next to her and grabbed the trunk, while trying with all his might to avoid catching her eye as he stumbled through the door. Moody limped forward and closed the door and plunged them into total darkness, and Lupin did his best to try and edge away from Tonks before she could do anything rash.

"**Now, stay still, everyone, while I give us a bit of light in here," Moody **said in a growling whisper. The echoing thumps of Moody's wooden foot clunked ominously as he lit the gas lamps and the chandelier. They stood there for a moment in an awkward silence as Harry took in his surroundings. He looked far from impressed, but if anything, mildly disgusted. Tonks was about to tell them it was Sirius's house, but the second she opened her mouth she was interrupted by Mrs. Weasley, who had just emerged from the door at the end of the hall.

"**Oh, Harry, it's lovely to see you!" she whispered, pulling him into a** tight and motherly hug **before holding him at arm's length and examining him critically. "You're looking peaky; you need feeding up, but you'll have to wait a bit for dinner, I'm afraid..."**

**She turned to **Tonks, Remus, Moody, and the rest of the advance guard. **"He's arrived, the meeting's just started..."** Tonks jumped and looked around at her companions, who were all looking excited. She glanced at Remus, who looked interested but also seemed to have donned on a face of utter seriousness. Tonks, however, was smiling as she cautiously stepped over some dungbombs spread across the floor. She followed the rest of the Order through the door and into the kitchen, where the other members of the Order sat, along with Severus Snape, but when eyes trailed to the head of the table they saw the head of the Order of the Phoenix: Albus Dumbledore. Remus heard a sharp intake of breath beside him, and despite what his better judgement told him, he looked sideways and smiled serenely at Tonks, casually pulling out a chair for her, planning on getting a seat at least one space away afterward. He knew it was slightly rude and mean, but he hadn't forgotten his plot to forgive and forget, even though it was pretty much a failure. But his plan had backfired. He was now standing in front of the only available chair, which he had blocked while pulling out Tonks's. Angry with himself, he sat down, trying to ignore the voice in the back of his head. _It's what you wanted, you know it is, you had a private hope..._

'Shut up,' he thought back, eyes boring into Snape as though his very life depended on it.

_No, seeing as I won't stop urging you on until I'm satisfied._

'With what?' he thought, trying to ignore the fact that he was having a conversation with his own

head.

_Oh, you know, your love life, Nymphadora and such..._

"What?" It wasn't until too late did he realized he had actually whispered this word, Tonks glanced over at him with a look of concern on her face. "It's nothing," he whispered in a barely audible whisper as Snape started talking.

"He's still obsessing over the prophecy, of course, and I'm glad to say that he isn't suspicious of me in the least, he's more concerned about people who take to locking themselves up and kicking back while relaxing if you know what I–"

"Severus..." Dumbledore gave him a stern look over his half-moon spectacles and an identical look to Sirius, who had tensed and looked on the verge of beating Snape to a pulp. Snape sneered awfully at Sirius before returning to his report.

"Anyway, he really is keen on getting it, Avery told him that anyone can take it, so we'll know who he's using to break in pretty soon, however I suggest we double our guard around the door..." He paused for a second. Molly Weasley entered the room and conjured a chair beside Tonks. Snape took no notice. "He's trying to get more and more beasts on his side and, well, you'll be needed more than ever very soon, Lupin." Remus tensed. He wasn't sure if he should be scared of proud. Nymphadora's hand slipped around his, and for once he didn't pull away, he clutched it tightly under the table.

"You'll be okay," she whispered, "I know you will." Remus gulped in reply. He wasn't so sure. He was suddenly aware of how silent the room was. Tonks's hand shifted in his. Suddenly Kingsley stood up, throwing various scrolls of paper onto the table.

"Our own Nymphadora Tonks got the blueprints," he said proudly, smiling down the table. "Lucius tried to take a piece of her with him, but here they are." Dumbledore stood up and pulled them towards him, opening several and working in silence for a moment, circling certain areas. He moved them back into the middle of the table with a wave of his wand. They were now covered with various purple circles.

"I purpose we cover these areas, especially those marked in the Hall of the Prophecy." There was a small murmuring of agreement and interest. "However," he continued, "while we are safe at the moment now that we know Voldemort has no idea that only he or Harry can retrieve it, the fact still remains that he could find out about this. Therefore I suggest we also cover," he waved his wand and red circles faded into view, "these stations."

"Wait," Sirius said, standing up slightly to get a better look at the blueprints and Dumbledore. "When Voldemort finds out, it's not like he's going to waltz into the Ministry of Magic is he?" Several heads turned to him, but he ignored them, eyes fixed on Dumbledore.

"Of course he won't. He will, however, use Harry." An awkward silence fell. It was eerie. Tonks glanced warily at Remus, but he was staring between Sirius's shocked face and Dumbledore's serene one.

"Now see here, Dumbledore..." Molly said, rising. "How in the world are we supposed to keep watch on Harry twenty-four seven?"

"How indeed!" This was Elphias Dodge, who looked slightly perplexed.

"Why don't we just warn Harry about the prophecy and all of that!" Sirius said. He looked truly angry now. Mundungus suddenly slumped down on the table and fell asleep. Mrs. Weasley pursed her lips and cringed a bit, but no one else took any notice. Dumbledore looked at him for a moment.

"I fear that the contents of the prophecy would need to be told, and now is not the moment to tell him," he finally said.

"Then when will he be ready?" Remus asked, "there has to be a time to let him know...whatever it is."

"There will be, though I doubt this is the time to tell him," there was a note of finality in his voice. They sat in silence for a moment, Dumbledore checking his pocket watch and Moody taking out his eye with a sickening _pop._ Remus pulled his hand away from Tonks' and gave her a stern look. She smiled weakly like a five-year-old being caught at the cookie jar.

"Look," she whispered to him quietly, "I know this probably isn't the time to ask you, but-"

"Wait a moment," Remus whispered back, cutting her off smoothly. "Tell me at dinner, all right? I'll listen to whatever you have to say." Tonks smiled at this.

"All right. Dinner then. Are you going to be okay? You know, with what Snape told you?" Lupin looked at her. He thought about it for a moment. Slowly, making up his mind, he nodded.

"I'll be fine."

Tonks, Remus, and Molly were sealing the magical locks on the door of Grimmauld Place. A lot of the Order had left after it, but there was still a good sum of people around.

**"We're eating down in the kitchen," Mrs. Weasley whispered, meeting **Harry, Ron, and Hermione** at the bottom of the stairs. "Harry dear, if you just tiptoe across the hall, it's through this door here-"**

_**CRASH**_

"Damn it!" Tonks whispered, blushing as she got up. She could feel all eyes on her.

**_"Tonks!" _**she **cried exasperatedly, turning to look behind **her and seeing her getting up off the floor.

**"I'm sorry!" **she cried over the wails of the portrait. **"It's that stupid umbrella stand, it's the second time I've tripped over----" **Remus stiffened slightly, and although her words were drowned out by a fresh wail from Mrs. Black, he knew what she was going to say. But it all clicked together. Tonks had been completely aware the other day, she had known what she was doing four days ago. That had been his only ray of hope that she had no feelings for him and it had just disappeared…

Mrs. Weasley left Remus alone at the curtain and went to stun the other portraits, Tonks pulling up the umbrella stand. Sirius came darting out a door and took Mrs. Weasley's abandoned post at the other side of the portrait. Remus walked out of the room as Sirius grimly greeted Harry, hoping to get away from Tonks. He didn't want to listen to whatever she had to say. He was going to make sure they didn't talk during dinner. What would happen if he just pretended that she didn't exist at all? He knew he never could, but I he could pull it off he most certainly would. He chose a space by the wall and leaned back up against it, closing his eyes and tuning out the world.

_Hello._

'Oh, no, not you again, please just leave me alone,' he thought desprately, hating the voice in his head. He vaguely heard people enter the room, talking, but he was keeping his eyes closed, ignoring it all…

_Yes, it's me again. And I already told you I'm not going away till I'm satisfied._

'Shut up.Go away.'

_Tell me that you love Tonks._

'No.'

_Does that mean that you do, but you're just not going to tell me?_

'No.'

_Then you're lying._

'I'm not!'

_Then you're in denial. You also might be insane, come to think of it, you are talking to voices inside your own head. But no matter. I know you love her. But do you?_

'I don't love her.'

_Yes you do, and I'm not going away until you admit it._

"Fine, I fancy her, okay?" Someone close by him tripped over a chair. He opened his eyes and looked up. Tonks stared at him for a moment and looked away hastily. Remus blanched. He had spoken those last words. He took a seat at the table and retired to staring fixedly at the wall until someone decided to make conversation. 'Someone,' being anyone except Nymphadora.

_You should really talk to her instead of avoiding her, you know, but I'm glad you admit that you fancied her._

'I thought you said you were going to go away after I told you I loved her!'

_Oh, did I? Sorry, that was a lie._

Something coiled around Remus's hand. He looked down and saw a thin piece of parchment there. Slowly he unraveled it, secretly reading the message:

Remus-

We'll talk in the drawing room after dinner.

-Tonks

**A/N: I stole the 'Sorry I lied' part of Remus' argument in his head from the Lily/James _A Change of Heart_. I'm sorry, but I loved it too much and it seemed so perfect. Forgive me? **


	4. In the Drawing Room

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter seeing as I'm not J.K. Rowling. Who knew!

**A/N: **This chapter is a bit short, but it's really important and I had a blast writing it. Maybe I had too much fun writing it. But you'll soon know the last part of the "I love writing Remus and Tonks when they're ." And I'm still not going to tell you. Remus's inner voice returns, Tonks doesn't let go of a chair, and the whole chapter is one nice, big conversation. But I doubt you want to listen to me. Let's get on with the story!

_**Chapter Four**_

_**In the Drawing Room**_

Tonks stood in the Drawing Room, running her hands over a chair's soft fabric. The curtains behind her gave an ominous shiver.

"Hello, Nymphadora," Lupin said wearily from the doorframe. Before he knew what was happening, a pair of soft, smooth arms were around him. He didn't do anything. He didn't want to do anything. He just stood there.

"I wasn't sure if you were going to come," came a muffled voice somewhere around his shoulder. In truth, Remus had considered this idea. However, he was somewhat of a gentleman, and if he was going to tell Tonks off it would be here, now. No matter how much it hurt him to do so. "I'm so glad you did." Remus was unsure of what to say to this, so he said nothing. He shrugged her off of him. She awkwardly walked back and stood behind a chair. "I need to talk to you." He had been expecting this. And he didn't expect anything good to come out of it, either. Seeing as he neither wanted a kiss or an argument.

_Answer her, you dimwit!_

For once, Remus obeyed. "What about?"

"Why I did all that stuff you were upset about," she said calmly, though a slight blush rose up in her cheeks and she had gotten quieter with every word. "But I thought you would have

guessed, at least."

_Oh, he guessed all right, Nymphadora._

'Shut up, I can handle this,' he thought.

_I doubt it._

"I haven't guessed," he said bluntly.

_Liar. Dirty liar._

"I surmised as much," she answered coolly. "But still, I can't believe that you haven't…"

"Just tell me, Nymphadora."

"I love you, Remus." Silence. It was as though a heavy weight had been thrown with full force at his stomach. He had thought this was true, yes, but hearing it come out of her mouth, her own words, any chance of a loophole was gone, he had to face the facts.

"Oh."

_Brilliant! I couldn't have thought of a better retort! Why don't you tell her the truth now, oh amazing master of words?_

Tonks rocked back and forth on her feet. It was his turn to say something. 'Oh,' was not enough to keep a conversation going, but he had nothing much to say. Fishing around his mind, he finally found something.

"That's no excuse for doing…what you did. Kissing me and…"

"And?" she said innocently. Remus blushed. Why was she so damn annoying like this? She knew bloody hell what he meant.

_You're avoiding the fact that you love her. _Remus chose to pretend the voice hadn't said anything. He pushed on with his conversation.

"…and, well, you know…"

Tonks blushed. "I wanted to know what it felt like." She smiled weakly. If Remus had been expecting her to say anything, it wasn't that. For a moment he was dumbstruck. What was he to say to that?

_What did you bring it up for?_

"Shut up!"

"What?"

_Fine, I'll come back when you're wallowing I misery afterwards. Then you'll see._

"Good," he told it, unsure if it was even still there. Tonks gave him a quizzical look. "It was nothing, Nymphadora," he assured her. They stood in an awkward silence for a moment. He cast upon something else. "You lied to me the other day."

"What? How? When?"

"When you were supposedly confunded."

"Oh," she said quietly. "Well, how was I supposed to get you to talk to me?"

"A simple conversation would suffice! You don't have to go around kissing me while I'm lying in bed!"

"What? I thought you were asleep!" She immediately regretted what she said. She had just openly admitted that she had kissed him that day. She clamped a hand to her mouth. "Sorry," she mumbled. "But you don't get it, do you? I love you. I'm not normally so rash or bold and all of that. But I don't know. That always changes around you! I'm normally into fun and jokes but all that matters around you is that you talk to me and smile when you do it!"

"I'm not smiling now, am I? None of that was appropriate, for god's sake! Don't you get it? I'm 17 years older than you!"

"16 and a half," she mumbled. Remus chose to ignore this.

"I've been shunted from job to job because I hardly have any money! I have my own room in my friend's mother's house! How pathetic is that? And are you aware of what I am!"

"Yes, Remus, as a matter of fact I do, I'm not stupid! And additionally, I don't think it makes any difference at all!" she just realized she was yelling.

"Well I believe it does! I'm a werewolf! Do you have any idea how dangerous I am?"

"Yes, I reckon I do, but I don't have a problem with that! Do you think any of the Order has a problem with that? You're brave for dealing with it the way you do! You could go running around like a Fenrir Greyback, but you don't! You have compassion and you have feelings and you aren't just some bloodthirsty monster!"

"I'm a bloodthirsty monster once a month! Everyone treats it like it's some 'furry little problem!' It's not just a problem! I'm a half-breed!"

"Take that back," she said, suddenly quiet. "You are what you say you are. Not what the Ministry says you are."

"The Ministry is right, my friend. I can't deny it."

"Yes you can! You're insane! Do you want to know what you are to me?"

"Not particularly!" he barked, knowing he was going to be told anyway.

"I think you're a man! An extraordinary one, at that! You're intelligent, kind, and compassionate, you can make people feel good about themselves without even trying, you're brave, you're everything, don't you get it? That's why I love you!"

"Well I don't love you! Try going after someone young and whole, like Charlie Weasley or even Shacklebolt, anyone but me! I don't love you!" He was lying, but it had to be said. He tried to shove away everything Tonks had said about him. He felt extremely good about that, but he couldn't feel that way. That would just make everything harder. Tonks took a shaky breath.

"Then who do you fancy?" There was silence. Tonks knew she had hit the nail on the head. "I heard you before dinner. You kind of shocked me." Remus looked up at her. He wished he could just make her shut up.

"I told you I'd listen to anything you had to say. If this is it, I don't love you, all right?" Tonks felt anger boiling up inside her, but she didn't know why. He was perfectly calm, yet he hadn't answered her question. He must've been lying somewhere along the line. "Is the _reason _you don't love me because you have no money, you're older than me, and the fact that you're a werewolf? Those are terrible reasons!"

"It doesn't matter!" he shouted back, "THEY'RE REASONS ALL THE SAME! WHY DON'T YOU GET IT!"

"I GET IT JUST FINE! BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT I CARE ABOUT YOU REMUS! I CARE ABOUT YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD AND NOTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE THAT!"

"THEN STOP CARING!" Remus shouted back at the top of his voice. He even left the trace of a wolf-like growl at the end of his sentence. "I'm an animal, Nymphadora!" he stormed from the room, leaving Tonks standing by her chair. She was shocked, utterly shocked, and her eyes tearing up. She looked at his retreating back. She couldn't help herself.

"Tonks," she said under her breath. "Call me Tonks." She stood by the chair, not sure if she wanted to cry or not. She took a shaky breath and sat down in the chair she had been gripping as though her life depended on it, waiting for tears to come.

**A/N: **I love writing about them fight! It's so fun! Okay, so I am a little evil and twisted, but whatever.

And in case you were wondering, Remus's inner voice is me making secret appearances and telling him my input. But that's a secret.


	5. Life Goes On?

**Disclaimer: **Insert witty "I do not own Harry Potter" phrase here

**A/N:** This is an annoying transition chapter. But it's the hottest day of the summer and I need to write something, and I might as well get it done eventually. So here it is, sorry it's pretty short.

_**Chapter Five**_

_**Life Goes On?**_

It was Molly who found her.

It had been a huge shock that no one had heard them yelling at each other, yet Molly noticed when a mix between a hiccup and a sob came from the drawing room. She tip-toed in, only to see a figure that looked astonishingly like Snape curled up in one of the chairs. But Snape was doing things for the Order _outside _headquarters. Plus, this was a woman. But who was it?

"Tonks?" The figure in the chair looked up. Sure enough, it was Tonks' favorite face, yet the hair was black, greasy, and limp, and tears were running silently. Molly rushed to her. "Tonks, dear, are you all right? What happened?" Tonks gulped and looked up at her.

"Molly," she said hoarsely, "No, Molly, it's nothing. It can't be important after all the things we're talking about in the Order. I mean, a while ago, when I first came, I was being told about about the former Order, and Remus –" she broke off and let out a moaning sob. Remus. Remus had actually done that.

"Tonks, dear, what is it? What about Remus? Is he all right? Are you all right?"

"Remus is fine. But apparently, I shouldn't care."

"Tonks, what are you—" but suddenly it all clicked together. "What did he say, dear?" Now was not the time to argue the fact that the age difference was a huge one, that would be for later. Now Tonks was miserable, gulping down tears and trying to control herself with great effort. But after Molly had said those words, Tonks had wiped her eyes and nose and found herself spilling the entire story from the beginning, leaving out several key points. All that mattered now was the fight. All that would ever matter was the fight.

"I don't know what to do Molly," she finished, "it feels like me whole life was him. And now it's over." Mrs. Weasley looked at her sadly. She pulled her into a tight hug.

"I'm sorry, Tonks, dear. But life goes on." She held her at arms length and exmined her with a pitying look on her face. "There are always rocks in a relationship. And even if it doesn't work out, let it simmer. Let him simmer, all right? You can do it.

"Now how about fixing your hair so you don't look so much like Snape." Tonks' face broke into a weak smile and she laughed wearily, letting out a little burp after all of her crying.

"Thanks, Molly. Life goes on." She smiled again, it felt like such a good change after all her moaning and sobbing. She screwed up her face and changed her hair with a smile.

"Now there we go, how about we get you up to bed You'll feel better in the morning. Stay concentrated on your job and the Order. You don't need him."

"Right, I'll be fine," Tonks said, starting up the stairs. She smiled for the heck of it. A part of her was still sad, a part of her was so happy she wanted to jump up and scream. She tried to look at the positives. 'I won't have to base my life around a stupid man,' she thought, 'I'm free if old bonds that held me down,' and with a fresh smile, 'I won't get hit in the back of the head by Shacklebolt at work. I won't daydream.' She sighed, and tried to push the negative part to the back of her head. 'Life goes on,' she thought, 'and man, I better do something special for Molly. If she wasn't there I would've fallen asleep in that chair and come down to breakfast looking like Snape.' She ignored the reason whys she'd been crying and flung herself onto her bed, relatively happy.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

(**A/N: **This scene is going on as Tonks and Molly have their 'talk.')

Remus stalked into the kitchen. He felt far from relieved, happy, jubilant, free…he felt miserable and alone. His insides were filled with lead. This was not how it was supposed to happen. He was supposed to go to bed happy. Now he wasn't going to bed at all.

_Would you consider this wallowing in misery?_

Far from being surprised, Remus had been expecting the stupid voice to show up. 'If I say no, will you go away and come back later?'

_No, I just wanted to know what you thought._

'Well, fine. You were right. Flaunt it in my face,' he thought to it. He'll accept the stupid voice. It will never go away. Not after what happened tonight.

_Actually, I'm here to make you realize your stupid mistakes. Plus, I'm supposed to be the thing that gives you sage advice and contradict you when you're wrong._

'You contradict me a lot.'

_You're wrong a lot. _Remus was unsure of what to say (think?) to this, so he remained silent and stared at the wooden table. _You were pretty much a jerk tonight._

'Yeah, I figured.'

_You also lied. Lying is not a very good thing to do in a relationship, my friend. Oh, and I'm supposed to tell you that you're not a half-breed and that was a really stupid thing to call yourself._

'One, I don't have a relationship with her. And two, I know I'm not a half breed. I came up with that on the spur of the moment.'

_Ah, so you were having more fun fighting than you care to admit._

'Shut up.'

_No._

'You're _extremely_ annoying.'

_Thank you, I try. I find that it's the only way to get through to people._

'Why, isn't that special.'

_You and Tonks have something special._

'All conversations lead back to her, don't they?

_Pretty much. But I really need to talk to you. About her._

'I surmised as much.' There was a sharp intake of breath, and he realized quickly enough that it was his. He had just used the same wording Tonks had, right before they started screaming at each other.

_Anyway, you need to apologize._

'How am I supposed to do that? She'll never forgive me. What if she stops caring?'

_She'll never stop caring about you. She loves you, Remus. She loves you more than anything in the world. You'll find a way._

'And if I don't?'

_Then I'll find a way, dimwit._

Remus sighed. The idea of apologizing to Tonks was frightening, almost sickening. How was he supposed to apologize for making sure she knew that he hated her. With these mixed thoughts he walked off to bed. Maybe he could just pretend the fight hadn't happened. Or he could act as if it did. He could live with the stupid voice and he could live without Tonks.

_No you can't. Now go to sleep._

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

For the next few days, it seemed that life, would in fact, go on. Harry went to his hearing and was cleared of all charges. Ron and Hermione received prefect badges. Mrs. Weasley yelled at Fred and George on a daily basis, and the two of them brought everyone to Platform 9 and ¾ . (They didn't, however, catch each other's eye) Although there was difficulties and changes; Tonks' heart gave a terrible jolt every time she passed him in the hallway, and Remus' small inner voice was interrogating him daily.

Three days into the school term, however, all of that changed. Life, threw them a curveball.

Dumbledore had called a meeting concerning the Ministry of Magic and Professor Umbridge, and to have everyone at the Ministry keeping out a wary eye. As the Order was leaving, she noticed Remus and Sirius walking towards the kitchen and talking slightly. Tonks snuck through the crowd and bolted upstairs. She threw on Moody's spare invisibility cloak and dashed back down the stairs, following the two men into the kitchen. Sure, she knew that life went on. But life without Remus was an empty life. Nymphadora Tonks did not lead an empty life. She snuck in right behind them, and the two men casually took chairs.

"Moony, I need to talk to you."

"So I gathered," he replied wolfishly. Tonks' heart skipped. She had missed his voice. And now she was hearing it, perfect and clear, as though he was talking to her instead of her stupid 'ol uncle.

"Now, don't get mad at me or anything…it was just a coincidence what happened last night. I didn't mean to hear you. But I was going up to feed Buckbeak and I passed your room. So it wasn't my fault all right?" Remus nodded serenely, wondering what in the world this could be about.

"Well, glad that's cleared up. But now I'd just like to ask…"

**A/N: **Okay, it's a mini cliff. Love you all!


	6. The Truth Comes Out

**Disclaimer: **Anything you recognize belongs to Miss Rowling.

**A/N: **More characters in this chapter that meets the eye, though none of them are important at the moment.

I was surprised when I saw that everyone was like: _Not a mini cliff, omg it's huge! _I was reading the reviews and I was like: "Are you _serious?_" the whole entire time. I thought it was obvious. (tear) But whatever, it was a cliff all the same. And it was a review all the same. I LOVE REVIEWS. (hint, hint) Thanks, reviewers, hope you like this chappy.

_**Chapter Six**_

_**The Truth Comes Out**_

"…what's going on between you and my dear old second cousin Tonks?" Remus, who had been rocking on the two back legs of his chair, was so shocked her fell backwards. Laughing, Sirius caught him with an impediment jinx . Tonks jumped out of the way of the chair as lightly as she could. She was definitely going to listen to this. Sirius was beside himself with laughter. "So there is something!" he practically shouted, laughing his head off.

"Exactly the opposite," he mumbled moodily, retrieving the fallen chair with a scowl to his best friend. "Why do you ask? How do you…"

"I already told you," he said, grinning. "I was going up to feed Buckbeak last night and I heard you in bed, asleep. _Moaning._" It was almost as bad as if he had thrown a punch at him. In truth, he would have preferred it. He decided to play dumb.

"You're pulling my leg." Sirius, however, acted as if he hadn't heard him.

"N-Nym-Nymphadora, Nymphadoraaaa…pleeeeeassse," he said, putting on a sad puppy face and putting his hand to his forehead. Remus was blushing, and he knew it, but he wasn't going to tell Sirius. Never. Telling someone would make it final, real. Not just something for just him to know. He couldn't let the truth be known to the world. No way was he speaking it. Sirius noticed his face. "Remus J. Lupin, if you don't answer me I'm going to jinx you into next Tuesday, and I hope you remember who graduated at the top of their year at Hogwarts our seventh."

"How could I forget?" Remus said, glad that it was Sirius himself who was steering the conversation away from Tonks. "James didn't stop gloating for weeks…" It happened very suddenly. He had flipped over and was suddenly extremely grateful that he had pulled on muggle jeans under his robes. He was covered in the blackness of his shabby garments and he could feel the blood rushing to his head. "What the hell is this for?" he shouted indignantly. Sirius dropped him back into his chair smiling playfully. Remus grabbed onto the table, warily watching Sirius in case he decided to do that again.

"One," he started, "I couldn't resist. And two, it was a distraction so you didn't block my spell." Remus opened his mouth to ask him what spell is _that_, but no words came out. Sirius laughed happily. "Something I picked up while I was on the run. Some old Armenian warlock I met in Australia. Terrible memory. Told him my real name and he just asked me to repeat it five minutes later. But anyway, you can't speak unless it's the _truth_ about you and your dear old Tonks. And it's _me _who lifts the spell, so I suggest it's _me_ who gets to ask the questions." He twiddled his wand idly, smiling at the scowl on his face. "You tell me the whole story, and the spell will lift. Start. Now." Remus rolled his eyes.

"Fine," he said, and he was glad to feel the words on his lips. "I guess, if you want to know the _whole _story, it started about a month after we moved into headquarters..." Remus talked and talked, thoroughly annoyed with his so-called best friend. Why was he so curious in his personal life? Tonks was just a problem on his hands that he needed to take care of. When he reached the point in his story where Tonks had started to flirt and take action, however, the spell forbid him to say anything. "But that's the truth!" he mouthed wordlessly, and Sirius, who had been reading his lips the best he could, was fighting off a laugh.

_Dear Remus, you know it isn't the truth! I know it isn't the truth. Tonks is not a problem, seeing as you love her. You'll eventually have to tell our dear friend Padfoot that you do, Moony, or else you'll have to go around completely silent for the rest of your life. Doubt you want that, eh?_

Sirius, meanwhile, was having the time of his life. "Ha!" he laughed, "The fact that Tonks is a problem is a _lie_, huh? Tell me Moony, what _is _Tonks, to you?" He smiled roguishly.

"A metamorphagus!" he said proudly, glad he had found a loophole.

_You're impossible!_

"You're impossible!" Sirius said, and for a moment Remus was unsure of who had said what.

"How do you think of Tonks in a _relationship?_"

"A friend," he mouthed. Sirius' smile widened and he failed to stifle a laugh.

_Just tell him, Moony! You're such a coward!_

"Fine!" he shouted at the voice. "I love her, okay!"

_Wow. Very straightforward, Moony._

"Wow, short and to the point. Nice one, Moony." Remus was surprised how identical these

reactions were. While Tonks was standing, unseen, dumbstruck. He loved her. And that wasn't a lie. He couldn't lie. So what had the fight been about? Why was everything topsy-turvy? "Could you continue with the story please? You were just getting to the good part." Remus found the rest much easier to tell Sirius. It was as though a huge weight had been lifted out of his heart. _Someone knew. _He had actually told someone. He laughed with Sirius when he shared what happened while retrieving Harry and actually had fun with the conversation. All too soon, it was time to talk about the fight. He stopped. Tonks edged a tiny bit closer, afraid she would miss something. Finally, Remus found the right words to phrase his problem.

"Well, I went. And she told me she loved me. And—"

"—And you flew off the handle because you don't want to hurt her and you can't love her," he said casually, cutting him off. Seeing the surprised look on his face, he smiled widely. "I've heard this story before," he remarked. "You really got to stop thinking like that. Who plans a life around a disease?"

"I do, seeing as my disease is contagious."

"Ah, shut up. You're normally safe once a month, anyway. Plus, if you can't get Wolfsbane, you're isolated."

"What if I forget one night?"

"Remus, you've only forgotten _one time in your life. _You're extremely smart and even more careful. Apologize to Tonks the next time you see her. I'm not saying you have to ask her out on a date, just kiss and make up."

"I think a kiss would be a little to extreme for me, Padfoot. How about a handshake?"

"Fine, fun ruiner," he said playfully, sounding like he was a teenager again, "Be as mellow as you want," he flicked his wand, lifting the spell. "…but I suggest you make some small talk first." Remus smiled and bounded up the stairs. Henrietta Isaacs and her friend Adrianna were leaning against a wall and talking quietly. They were Order members, the first new recruits, actually. The two of them had tried to publish an article about Voldemort's return.

"Hello, Henri!" he said brightly, and dashed out of the room and up the stairs. Henrietta smiled, delighted, and happily continued her conversation. She nor Adrianna took any notice to what was seemingly a floating piece of paper. On it, Tonks had written a short note to Remus. She figured it would be the best thing to do. She had been thinking about what to write the second Remus had told Sirius he loved her. Tonks's heart skipped a beat. He loved her. After thinking about it all that time, she had finally settled on:

_I accept your apology. I'll give you a handshake later._

_-Tonks_

She had considered standing around until Remus came down, to watch his reaction to her note, but she had decided against it. She dashed up the stairs to return the cloak to Moody's room and leave when she was sure that he was gone.

Remus was elated. He had told someone. He had gotten it all off his chest in one easy conversation. He reached for the door and turned it. And then he saw the note.

For a moment, all he did was stare. Then his face broke into a smile. He ripped it off and shook his head. That was typical Tonks.

**A/N: **See? Not even (in my opinion) a mini cliff!

I'm trying to keep the story as fast paced as possible, so I think they're only be _a fe_w chapters before they go into the Ministry. (OMG!) But if any of you hav any suggestions on what could happen _before the MOM battle_ please tell me. Review or even a PM!

Anyway, love you all LOTS!

Love, EP!


	7. A Hospital and a Handshake

**Disclaimer: **I have not become Miss Jo Rowling overnight. No matter how much I would like to.

**A/N: **Hard to write this chapter, so sorry if it's terrible. If it is, tell me in a review. And if it isn't, tell me in a review. (lol) Please review, though-I know that 2 of the people that have me on their favorites haven't reviewed, (tear) and 10 people more on story alert.(bigger tear) So you guys, please review! Okay? I know you're out there!

Anyway, this chapter took me several checks in book 5 and tons of re-writes before I got it right. I was ripping my hair out over it and it's definitely not my best chapter. Plus, when I finally finished it I went and got myself grounded. (If anyone is wondering why, it's because my friend and I decided to burn the stuff our ex-boyfriends (turds) gave us at two am on the roof of my house. And this time we got caught. How this has anything to do with the computer, I will never guess) But I'm sorry and I bet I've lost half of my readers and I feel terrible! Also, as you know the school year is starting up again (today for me, yesterday I was at a party seeing as my parents gave me the last day of summer free) so I'm hoping that I'll get a chapter up a week or every other one. If I still have any readers to write for. (Continues to say sorry) But I am officially ungrounded and I am not going to get myself into a situation like that again. So sorry (again) and you're probably all bored to death so I'll get to the story in 5 seconds.

_Anonymous Review Replies: _

**hollybrry16-**

Thanks for reviewing! I love seeing new readers! (reviewers) I'm glad to know it's addictive (wicked!) But do you really think Remus is going to give in THAT SOON? Not fuff, just neutral stuff...for now. I'm following the storyline and Tonks doesn't get the guy until the end of book six...but maybe a little fuff wouldn't hurt. Be on the lookout for the next chapter!

**Kay of Lamvia Terra ()-  
**Thank you so much!

I loved writing Sirius so much, he is one of the characters I really feel like I know and is really easy to write. I'm glad you think he was done well. Oh, and as for the sentence thing, it happens to me all the time and I have no idea how to fix it. I check and double-check my story for any enter-errors and there's normally none there in the original piece. Then I post it and a problem shows up. Annoys the heck out of me...Anyway, glad to hear that it's "The best Lupin/Tonks fic" you ever read, I'm modest and think it stinks. Here's your update, anyway, took forever.

_**Chapter 7**_

_**A Hospital and a Handshake**_

Tonks had grown accustomed to giving Remus a handshake every time she saw him. Everything she did around him was connected. Walk into the Order meetings, give Remus a handshake. Go down to dinner, give Remus a handshake. Even if she was just passing him in the hall, give Remus a handshake. She just wanted to touch his hand.

In fact, after a while Remus started sticking out his hand when Tonks entered the room. During one Order meeting it had actually been him giving her the handshake. Not that it mattered. They had made up. Upon seeing him on guard duty, Tonks had walked up, grabbed his hand, shook it, and walked away from the dumbstruck Remus without a word. It had worked. The next day Remus had acted as if nothing had happened. They were friends again. She would get an owl from him once and a while, sometimes to remind her that she had guard duty, others just to tell her a joke he heard. It was as though neither knew that they had feelings for each other. And by the time Christmas rolled around, it was just that. Each thought that the feelings for the other had disappeared.

And then it happened.

Specifically, _it_ was the attack on Mr. Weasley. He had dozed off while on duty, which wasn't a difficult feat, and had been attacked by Voldemort's snake. This was as much as they knew. There had been an emergency Order meeting that night, although most of the Weasleys were not there. Tonks was shaking. There had been a few difficulties, yes, but never an _attack._ Sure, she was an auror, but this was someone she knew, and this was _Voldemort— _something they had never been trained to deal with because most of the Ministry had been more relaxed. You-Know-Who was supposedly gone, the rigorous training the past Aurors had been through was old news. Shaking, Tonks put her head on Remus' shoulder and cried. Her patted her in a brotherly way. It couldn't be more. He couldn't let it be more.

"It's all right," he said gently, "Arthur's injury was going to be much more serious, but Harry had that vision—"

"Harry had a vision?" she asked, looking up from his chest, which were now fairly sodden, with new curiosity. "What d'you mean?" she wiped her face with the back of her hand and straightened up. This was stupid. Crying wasn't going to do anything. This was a war. There was going to be injuries. Hell, there was going to be casualties. She looked up at Remus. What if he was next? What if he never knew? This caused a fresh wail to well up inside her, but she forced herself to calm down. Listen.

"Actually, I have no idea what happened. You'd have to ask him." Tonks nodded and straightened up. She ran to a spare room that she often used on the third floor and slammed the door, causing her owl, Coruja, to jump and screech in his cage. Ignoring this, she pulled out a spare piece of parchment and a quill and sat down on the bed to write to her best friend, Ami. They had been extremely close at Hogwarts and the two had been the only Ravenclaws that had chosen the Auror's career path. They had been inseparable since sixth year. She had even joined the Order after she had overheard Kingsley talking about it to Tonks. She glanced quickly at the clock before putting her quill to the parchment. 4 am.

_Ami-_

_Things have been pretty crazy around here. Arthur's been attacked by Nagini (You-Know-Who's snake) I've been scared out of my wits most of the time, we weren't trained as vigorously as Mad-Eye (but at least we aren't as paranoid) and I'm just scared, I guess._

_How's your tab on Lucius coming? Sorry I've missed out on a bunch of the file work you've put together, but the "I've been busy" sounds like a horrible excuse at the moment, and of course you'll see through it. So how about this: I seriously didn't want to do it and I procrastinated. You can smack me with your broomstick appropriately next time I'm in office. All right?_

_Nothing much to report on Remus (that sounds funny), he's being his normal amazing self but he's fading as the full moon approaches. I'm worried about him, though, Ami, and you know I am. He's been spying on Fenrir Greyback and I'm really, really scared. What if he gets caught? And killed? Before...you know. I can tell him. And he can agree with me. And the fact that Arthur's been attacked isn't any help whatsoever._

By now, her hand was shaking so badly she couldn't write down what she was going to say next, and she could hardly read the last few sentences. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths.

_We're going to see Arthur in St. Mungo's when everyone wakes up. We're pretty sure he's okay, but I've got to go._

_Yours,_

_Tonks_

She rolled up the note and magically sealed it so it would open to Ami's touch. There was too much danger in the wizarding world at the moment, and the risk of someone from the ministry reading it was also great. She unhooked the cage's latch and gave it to Coruja to deliver, glad that he hadn't gone out hunting like she normally let him. As she watched him disappear into the endless black sky, she tried to force herself into a perfect world, a dream world. The world where she and Remus were together and there was no war and there was no Voldemort. A world where everyone was happy and nothing went wrong and there was never the feeling that she had now, a mix of anxiety and fear and everything else jumbled all together. Everything felt far from right. Exactly the opposite. The letter to Ami hadn't helped at all, and she stood there, stewing in her own thoughts, trying to figure something out.

'Arthur is going to be okay, for one,' she thought to herself, slowly forming the words with her mouth. 'Remus...' she paused. "Remus..." She ran her fingers through her short, spiky hair. "Let's not think about Remus right now," she told herself. She rubbed her fingers against her temples and slowly started to sort things out.

Outside the door, a tear rolled down Remus' cheek. Things were so complicated. Damn it.

_**OOO**_

Tonks bounded down the stairs around six, her mind clear and her spirits high. She grabbed a cereal bar from the pantry and glanced at the table. A note was spell-o-taped to the table. She leaned over and read it. It was in Molly's writing.

_We're going to see Arthur at noon, I know that you're an early riser, but no one told you last night and I've gone to see Arthur alone for a while. Mad-Eye's coming with us, and I'll see you at lunch._

_Molly_

As promised, they headed out to St. Mungo's a little past lunchtime. Tonks pulled on khakis and a blue and silver Ravenclaw sweater, an old one from her seventh year. She shrugged off her robes and laughed at Moody's bowler hat, with he wore at a crook to cover his magical eye. Tonks playfully knocked it off while everyone else laughed at the simple yet effective disguise.

"You'll attract more attention," Moody growled, and you could tell by the look on his face that he was skeptically viewing her hair with his magical eye. Shrugging, Tonks happily joined in with the conversation. As they got on the train Tonks decided that she'd question him as Remus had suggested ('don't think about Remus,' she thought quickly). Harry, however, was not being very keen on the subject, and she once again fell behind, keeping an eye out while conversing with Fred and George, who were planning on knocking Moody's hat off while he was growling to Harry about St. Mungo's. Although Tonks liked the idea (along with the plan), she had to sigh and keep them out of it, seeing as no one would end up happy with a pranked Mad-Eye, and it was anyone's guess that no one would end up with all their limbs, either. He was poking his wand through two buttons in his coat and looked like he would hex the next person that touched him into next Wednesday, even though they were in the middle of a muggle shopping place. They slowly worked their way to Purge & Dowse Ltd., and when they finally reached it Tonks hastily shoved her way through and landed herself between Ginny and Mrs. Weasley. **"Wotcher..."** she greeted the dummy quietly, **"We're here to see Arthur Weasley." The dummy gave her a tiny nod, beckoned it's jointed finger, and Tonks seized Ginny and Mrs. Weasley by the elbows **and pulled them in to St. Mungo's. Fred, George, and Ron followed them, with Harry and Moody bringing up the rear.

_**OOO**_

In a matter of minutes she and Mad-Eye were waiting outside the ward door, Tonks quietly trying to listen in on the conversation. Fred and George didn't want to get off the subject of Arthur's bite and You-Know-Who, but other than that the snatches of conversation she got were perfectly normal. Eventually the children came out and Tonks tried t rush in as quickly as possible without looking suspicious, letting Mad-Eye close the door behind them.

"Arthur, are you all right?" Tonks asked exasperatedly, looking at him with concern.

Arthur shrugged, "I'm fine, they'll find an antidote to the snake's venom, I suppose." There was an awkward silence where Moody's cleared his throat unsurely.

"The Order...and the Ministry...**they searched the whole area but they couldn't find the snake anywhere, it just seems to have vanished after it attacked you, Arthur,**" she told him quietly, and he nodded and listened politely. Tonks checked over her shoulder to see if the other two occupants were listening in. It didn't look like it. Even so, she dropped her voice even lower. **"...But You-Know-Who can't have expected a snake to get in, can he?"**

"**I reckon he sent it as a lookout," growled Moody, "'cause he's not had any luck so far, has he? No, I reckon he's trying to get a clearer picture of what he's facing and if Arthur hadn't been there the beast would've had much more time to look around. So Potter says he saw it all happen?"**

"**Yes," said Mrs. Weasley. She was rather uneasy. "You know, Dumbledore seems almost to have been waiting for Harry to see something like this..."**

"**Yeah, well," said Moody, "there's something funny about the Potter kid, we all know that."**

"**Dumbledore seemed worried about Harry when I spoke to him this morning," whispered Mrs. Weasley.**

"'**Course he's worried," growled Moody. "The boy's seeing things from inside You-Know-Who's snake...Obviously, Potter doesn't realize what that means, but if You-Know-Who's possessing him–"**

"I don't think he is, Mad-Eye, that's the thing," Tonks objected. "He wasn't _possessed_, exactly, because he remembered what happened..."

"I agree with Tonks on this one, Moody," Arthur said, "According to Dumbledore, the snake was possessed by You-Know-Who, not Harry, and Harry did not magically disappear out of Hogwarts to the Department of Mysteries." He paused. "And if he somehow did, I would've seen him." Tonks took this moment to act very mature and stick her tongue out at Moody. It had been an exciting day.

There had even been a werewolf in the hospital room.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Once again, sorry about the late update. You may torture me with horrible, hate mail private-messages and reviews. But before you do that, please remember that I had a bundle of fun being grounded. (not) I'll try and get the next chapter up ASAP, and I'd like to end the chapter in a sentence:

_I'm sorry, please don't kill me!_


	8. The Night and Tinted Windows

**Disclaimer:** Yeah. I don't own this stuff.

**A/N: **Before, this chapter was incredibly like the others: Getting steadily worse and worse. (As in sad) So I decided that I'd fluff this story up a little bit. If you guys are wondering the point of this chapter, I'd say this: It's demonstrating where Remus and Tonks are in their (non-existent) relationship. It was fluffy, it was fin, and I really enjoyed writing this. Also: I'm so glad that I didn't loose all my readers! I thank all of you that let me know that I still have readers, so a huge kudos to_ I lOvE FrEd WeAsLeY, _my extremely awesome grammar-Nazi _Loki Mischeif-Maker, The Damsel of Distress,_ my awesome _Sunni Bunni, _my fellow play-lover _Kay of Lamvia Terra _and the amazing _Harmony's Sake._ I know I have other readers out there, so thanks to all of you!

I LOVE REVIEWS! (hint, hint) But thanks to everyone, hope you like the chappy.

And now I bet you're all bored to death, so I give you:

_**Chapter 8**_

_**The Night and Tinted Windows**_

It was over.

The war, specifically. The war was over. Everything was safe. Safe and sound and peaceful. This was true magic. No more evil. A peaceful world.

It was over. Finally, finally over.

He had money. His new robes were so different from the patched and frayed ones he was used to wearing, he had a house, and he had cured his lycanthropy. That, of course, was the source of his newfound riches, and the last of his excuses, gone. Except for the age difference, of course. But she had talked him out of that one long ago.

He could do what he always longed to do. And he was doing it.

He and Tonks were lying, lying under the stars, staring into the infinite reached of the universe. All was completely silent, and a magic hung in the air that had nothing to do with wands or power. It was, unmistakably, love. The power so amazingly complicated, so amazingly powerful, that took up every particle of space around them. _In_ them. The silence was filled with it. The dew-flecked grass was filled with it. The sky sparkled with it. Most importantly, the two souls that lay on the ground, in utter and complete love, were filled with it, they were filled with it more than anything else on Earth.

Tonks propped herself up on one side and stared at Remus, whose eyes shimmered with the reflection of millions of stars. His mouth curved into a small smile, finally where he had always wanted to be. Actually, it didn't matter where he _was_, specifically, as long as it was with her. Her heart-shaped face (or whatever shape she was favoring at the moment) and her deep, searching eyes. Remus averted his eyes from the full moon he was admiring and glanced quietly over to Tonks, who was staring politely in his direction. Remus let out a soft breath as he watched her watch him. She was the only one who could manage apolite stare. Her smile matched his, and he propped himself up on his elbow so they were at eye level. They were extremely close. _Extremely_ close.

He wondered if he could do it. He wondered if could be able to lean forward and lightly press his lips to hers.

He was through with wondering. He moved, millimeter by millimeter, towards her face. He was so close to her face. He could feel the warmth of her lips. He could count every sparkle of a star reflected in her eyes. He tried to move that last millimeter. He couldn't. Quite literally, he couldn't. It was as though a thin layer of glass filled in the space between his lips and hers. Reaching up his hand, her tried to caress he hair. He couldn't. That layer of glass seemed to encase her body. Or it was him. He couldn't do it. A tear rolled down his face. "I love you," he whispered.

"You don't act like it." Remus' stomach disappeared. "Apparently, you're just my friend."

He tried desperately to explain. "Nymphadora, that was before...that was before everything was safe."

"So if you never found a cure for you lycanthropy, got money for it, and if the war hadn't subsided, you wouldn't be here?"

"I...yes."

"I guess I better leave you alone then," she said coldly, and she disappeared into the night.

"No!" he shouted. The love that had once filled the air was gone with her retreating back. Now it was just cold. Icy cold. "NYMPHADORA!" More tears covered his face. "No...no..." his voice was coming more and more muffled, the tears felt more wet on his face...the grass felt smoother that it had been before...he opened his eyes...

Remus grabbed the clock by his bedside so fast he knocked over the table it sat on. His heart was beating in his throat. 1:52. Damn it, Sirius was right. He did dream about her. He dropped the clock and pulled at his hair. He was not supposed to be dreaming about her. He was not supposed to be thinking about her. He was not supposed to be yelling for her. And damn it, he wiped the tears from his face, he wasn't supposed to be crying because of her. He was still a werewolf, he was still poor, the war was still on, and the age difference between them still mattered. Sixteen years would always matter, no matter what else happened. "This...is not good," he said. He didn't say this because he had been dreaming about her. He didn't say this because he was crying over a dream about her. He said it because part of him really wanted to know what her lips tasted like.

_That's the Moony I know._

"Shut up." Then, turning over I his bed and trying to get back to sleep, he voiced a question he had been wondering for a while. Even though he probably shouldn't be thinking about _her_ before he fell asleep. "What does she see in me?" he whispered. "What does she see in me?"

_**OOO**_

Meanwhile, Tonks too, lay awake, but she hadn't even tried to sleep. She sat up in her bed, her arms wrapped around her knees.

"Remus Lupin..." his name tasted so good on her lips. The way it fell out of her mouth with such ease, yet the name itself was careful and quiet...like him. "Remus...Remus John Lupin..." She had said his name so much tonight that night that it no longer sounded like a name, it was more like a essence. The name filled her room, it was all around her, it was in her.

And Remus knew it.

_That_ was the problem with them. Remus knew how she felt about him. He knew that whenever she was near her heart skipped a beat, or that the light blush that appeared in her cheeks had nothing to do with the fact that she was embarrassed, but it was the fact that she was in love...

And as Tonks sat their, hugging her knees and caressing the soft fuzz on her flannel pajamas, she knew that Remus had hidden his heart from her. He reminded her of one day when she had been in the car with her father.

_**OOO ** FLASHBACK **OOO**_

Tonks tried, and failed, once again, to get one of the muggles on the highway wave to her. They didn't. She tried knocking on the glass.

No.

She tried waving frantically at them.

No.

She tried singing along to her favorite song on the radio.

No, although she doubted that this would help. Now that the song was over, however, she was back to trying to get the useless muggles to wave to her. They didn't. And they were making her very unhappy.

"What are you doing, Nymphadora?" he father asked, tapping his hands lightly on the steering wheel.

"None of the muggles are waving to me, dad," Tonks said moodily, crossing her arms and sticking her tongue out at a passing mini-van. Ted Tonks laughed.

"Of course they aren't!" he told the eleven-year-old Tonks, whose hair was blonde today, as she once again tried to flag down a blue maxima. "They can't see you!"

"Oh yes they can," Tonks said a-matter-of-factly, "I can see them."

"Yes, _you_ can," Ted explained wearily as he turned off of the highway. "But those windows are _tinted,_ so you can see the people outside, but you can't see the people in." He paused as Nymphadora examined the glass intently. "I swear, honey, you need to learn more about the...'muggle' world."

"Says you," Tonks said, continually tapping on the glass.

_**OOO ** END FLASHBACK **OOO**_

Her situation was exactly like that, except Remus was the one insider her father's car. He could see everything about her. Every little detail. He knew all her feelings. Especially those feeling towards him.

And she knew nothing about him.

Of course she did know _some_ things. She just had no idea how he felt about her. She wondered, of course. Instead of putting together her share of the tab on Lucius Malfoy she would think about what Remus thought of her. Tonks hugged her knees tighter, wondering even now, at 2:14, what Remus could possibly think of her. Sure, he liked her. They were friends.

But _love?_

She hugged her knees tighter and stared out at the crescent moon. She should ask Sirius about theat curse the Armenian warlock had told him about. Then she wouldn't have to wonder. All she would have to do is listen. She rolled over, continuing to stare out the window at the moon and the endless sky. She felt closer to Remus, somehow. Now more than ever, staring out at the moon. She reached up to touch the soft velvet curtain encasing the Earth, but she gave way to exhaustion and fell asleep.

– – – – – – – – – – – –

**A/N: **As I told you before, I'm trying to keep the story as fast-paced as possible, even though it sometimes takes ages to update. Because of this, I'm thinking about having the MoM battle in the next chapter, but any suggestions are welcome! This particular chapter was a suggestion, kudos to my cousin, and I ended up loving it! So please review (or even PM) with any suggestions for The Courtyard, either before or after the Ministry Battle.


	9. The Beatles?

**Disclaimer:** Yeah. I do own Harry Potter. Actually. (no, I don't , in case some of you weird people don't get sarcasm)

**A/N: **Thanks to my wonderful reviewers, because you all deserve credit! Reviewers are the rainbow in writing fanfiction, so to those of you who don't review, _se cortes, por favor_ (be courteous, please) and press the little blue button! Just say "Hi. Yeah. I read it." and maybe, you know, a little suggestion or two, a compliment or even a _flame. _But now I'm review begging. And I know for a _fact_ that if you review beg then you get no reviews. But I give a huge round of applause to my rainbows for chapter 8: _Taela,_ who I know is with me even if she misses reviewing a chapter, _The Damsel of Distress_, who isn't afraid to be a tiny bit of a grammar Nazi and actually feels sympathy for Remus, and of course to _Loki Mischeif Maker_, who is my stunning Grammar Nazi that finds mistakes when I don't even see them when they're pointed out to me, and _I lOvE FrEd WeAsLeY_, who is one of the few, awesome people who lets me know that they're there! Love you all!

Thanks to Kay of Lamvia Terra for the AWESOME PM, I absolutely love you for it, but it's obvious that I have decided to skip to New Year's, because no way is Remus admitting anything to Tonks, let alone going Christmas shopping. But I loved your ideas all the same.

As for the story...

Sirius isn't as Sirius-ish as he is in the other chapter, but he is quite Sirius-ish. (I like saying that. Try it. Sirius-ish) Anyway, the 'Beatles' episode is based on something that actually happened, but I kind of adapted it to fit the story, but I absolutely loved it and I _had_ to put it in.

_**Chapter 9**_

_**The Beatles?**_

"Come on, Remus, just tell me!"

"Look, it's nothing."

"You're lying to me. Why would you ever even _think_ about lying to your best mate? ...Unless I'm not your bet mate anymore. Please...don't tell me that I'm not your best mate anymore! OH MY GOD! NO! WHO IS IT! WHO'S BETRAYING ME! WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME! NO, I'M SLOWLY LOSING ALL OF MY BEST FRIENDS! THIS IS NOT RIGHT! PLEASE, REMUS, NO, NOT YOU TOO! NO!

"SIRIUS WILL YOU SHUT UP?"

"No."

Sirius and Remus had both_ volunteered _to decorate for the New Year's party for the Order, because the place was just filled to the _brim_ with light-hearted souls. (sarcasm) No. But they did need to cheer the place up and Dumbledore had said that a New Year's party mandatory. Remus thought it was pointless, especially because Sirius was continually interrogating him about Tonks.

"You are the most annoying best mate anyone has ever had," Remus told him, smiling.

"Okay, sure. Just tell me if you still fancy her!"

"I don't, all right? And I personally think that's you're taking too much interest in my love life."

"So...you _do_ have a love life?" Sirius said, putting up streamers. "I think you're lying to me." He pulled out his wand quick as a whip. Remus knew what Sirius had done immediately.

"I HATE THAT WARLOCK!" Remus shouted.

"Yes, I know. He's my new best mate now that you're deserting me."

"Sirius, I am _not_ deserting you."

"Good. Now tell me, do you still fancy Tonks?"

Knowing that he'd have to tell him eventually, Remus sighed. "Yes. But I don't want to."

"There. Things are so much easier when you tell the truth." He paused, straddling the ladder that he was on. "Still dreaming about her?"

"Yes," he said grudgingly. "But I don't want to."

"And do you _seriously_ care about all those stupid reasons that you tell her?" Remus chose to remain silent this time. Yes, he did, but somehow...he didn't. But he wanted to care, 100. Oh, how he wanted to. Sirius, noticing this, shrugged and nodded going back to putting up the streamer, which was being extremely difficult.

"Hey! Sirius!" Remus said, steamed. "You can take the spell off now."

Sirius' smile widened and he stopped wrestling with the streamer. "What spell?" he asked deviously.

_That was good. That was really, really good._

Remus snorted angrily at the voice and levitated a brightly colored streamer around Sirius' neck.

"Sometimes I want to kill you," he said as Sirius ripped the streamer off and spell-o-taped it to the ceiling. "But you're too...you."

"For some reason, Remus, that actually makes sense." Smiling to himself, Remus left Sirius to battle the other streamer and decided to conjure sparkles that hung in the air around them. He lay out a few brightly colored rugs of various colors, these colors being purple, pink, gold, blue, and silver. He made his way over to one of the wall and stopped dead in his tracks, smiling widely.

"Sirius...is this yours?" He gestured to a boom box on an old, rotting, table.

"Yes," he answered, falling off the ladder in another battle with an orange streamer.

"Is it..." Remus tried to find the right word. "Muggle?" Sirius caught himself with his own spell and brought himself to his feet and started to climb the ladder once again. "Sirius?" Remus repeated. "Is it... a muggle...thing?"

"Maybe..." Sirius said grudgingly. Remus riffled through some of the CDs stacked by the boom box.

"Is it even yours?" he asked casually.

"No," he answered quickly. There was silence except for the occasional click of the CDs in Remus's hands and the ripping of the spell-o-tape.

Remus came upon something that made him say 'a-ha!' He looked at Sirius. "Sirius, this round disc..." he stopped again, thinking of the word..."CD! This CD says 'Mix for Sirius' on it. It's yours!"

"It's from my girlfriend, all right?"

"Oh...some nutter infatuated with muggles? Not like Arthur's a nutter or anything..."

Sirius was growing more and more uncomfortable. After a pause he shrugged his shoulders. "She _is_ a muggle, mate."

Remus smiled. "You were always the weird one. Not that I have anything against muggles or anything...but...how in the world did you meet a _muggle_ while you're locked up here in your old house?" Sirius shrugged again.

"I'm cool that way," he said, laughing, returning to his normal, carefree state.

"So...is she a cool muggle or a weird one? I mean, I know she must be weird to like you but..." Sirius smacked him.

"You can't call anyone of my girlfriends weird while you're in love with Tonks."

"I'm not in love with Nymphadora!"

"Then why do you call her Nymphadora, huh?"

"No reason..." he said quietly. He had a feeling however, that he already knew why.

"I think you're ly–" Sirius started in a singsong voice—

"ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT! I wish you never met that damn warlock though, really..."

"Remus..." Sirius warned fingering his wand dangerously.

"Fine, fine," he said, but once again avoided the question by exploring his CD's. He heard Sirius give an agitated sigh and before he could block the spell Sirius had cast the blasted warlock's spell on him again. "Okay! I'll tell you!"

"Good, because I'm getting seriously annoyed with you, mate. I mean, just get together! You like her! I mean, I've picked up on your stupid handshake thing, you're sometimes so _weird_, Remus, but you can't just go around, totally in love with her— "

"I'm not in love with her!" Remus mouthed. He blushed, angered by the fact that the words hadn't left his mouth. Sirius just smiled and continued on.

"—just shaking her hand for the rest of your life! Oh, yeah, hey look, I'm Remus and I'm going to 'protect' Tonks, Nymphadora," he corrected himself, "by ignoring her, even though I'm totally in love with her!" He stopped ranting for a moment. "Now, why do you call her by her first name?"

"Because it's her name?" Remus suggested wordlessly. Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Mate, look..."

"Fine, I call her—"

"THOSE ARE MY BEATLES CDS! DON'T TOUCH THEM!" Remus replaced the CDs delicately (he threw them) on the table as quick as he could and mouthed 'what?' while jumping back from an insane Sirius. He made a crazy dive and picked up several cases that said 'Abbey Road,' 'Yellow Submarine,' 'Ticket to Ride, Yes It Is,' and another one that looked mixed that said 'The Best of _The Beatles_ for the Extremely Sirius Fan.' Sirius turned to him. "No one touches my Beatles CDs."

"I didn't know!" Remus mouthed, still angry that he couldn't speak. Sirius glowered at him.

"Stop acting like a teenager!" he mouthed.

"And what's wrong with acting like a teenager?" Sirius scoffed, hugging his CDs to his chest. "I can be an insane Beatles fan, can't I?" Remus rolled his eyes. Sirius let out a loud dog-like sniff and replaced the CDs by his boom box. "Fine. Go ahead and be sensible. You just haven't experienced the magic of The Beatles."

"I still can't talk!" Remus mouthed wildly.

"Sucks for you," Sirius said freely, jumping around and grabbing 'Abbey Road' out of it's case and popping it into the black boom box. Remus crossed his arms. "You're listening to my Beatles CD whether you like it or not." And he had to. Sirius forced him in wild dances to insane songs and did wild air guitar solos that only Sirius could pull off. "So," he said, about an hour later, "What did you think of it?" Remus, still angry with his friend about him misusing the spell crossed his arms.

"I hated it," he mouthed. He then realized that, of course, he could only tell the truth. Sirius, whose face was filled with mounting anticipation, leaned forward. "It was...okay," he mouthed again.

"Come on..." Sirius said playfully.

"Okay! I loved it!" he said loudly, and started singing along to the third track, which Sirius played air guitar along to accordingly. Sirius walked over and rumpled his friends' hair.

"You're always way too serious, Remus...sometime you have to be more..."

"Sirius?" Remus mouthed.

"Yeah," Sirius said, flipping his hair. "Sirius." There was a moment as the two 'reminisced' about who knows what which was broken when Sirius dived for a streamer that was trying to wiggle its way out of the room. "Oh, yeah, right," he said, spell-o-taping the difficult streamer to the wall. "Why do you call her Nymphadora?"

"You already know," he mumbled. "I think."

"Well, I've guessed, genius, but admitting it makes everything _so _much _easier_ for you." Remus snorted. Bloody prick. He already knew! Why'd he have to ask?

"Czsmayidonwanhrlsnaytabatoks."

"What was that?" Sirius said playfully, cupping a hand around his ear unnecessarily.

Scowling at his friend, he shoved his hands in his pockets and said, "Because, well...because...because some day I don't want her last name to be Tonks, all right?"

"What _ever_ do you mean?" he said, smirking. He gave his friend a look and Sirius reluctantly lifted the spell with a casual flick of his wand. After a moment of silence, Sirius broke it. (Sirius was not a kind of guy that really liked silence) "Sooo..." he said, "You _do_ still fancy her, right?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Yes, Sirius, I do."

– – – – – – – – – – –

And I've decided that since so many of you have been _ignorantly oblivious _to the fact that I have hidden a _huge clue_ for the _sequel _(yes, I've already planned a sequel) hidden in this story, and I've decided that now is about time I point it out, even though it is _blatantly obvious_. So here's the big question: The Warlock.

And that's all you have to go by so far. I know it's basically...nothing, but you all know who I mean by 'the warlock.' (and if you don't, you aren't reading the story. I don't now what you're doing) The winner gets a special prize and a cookie...or a cake...and 50 points to Gryffindor...and a party...and a peek at the first chapter in book 7...AND A DAY WITH JK ROWLING!

Okay, I got a little carried away. But the winner gets a peek at the sequel to _The Courtyard_, I wrote it down one day because it was a wonderful piece of inspiration. It's amazing what things you think of in Math class. ;-)

Until next time,

EP

P.S. _Please_ press the little blue button down and two the left of this message. It will take two minutes of your time to review.


	10. Grimm Old Place Party Central?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything you recognize. Anything you don't is mine. Except for the warlock. No one recognizes him but yes, he does belong to JKR.

**A/N:** I'm adding the New Year's stuff to add depth to the story. I need to get more of Sirius in before he kicks the bucket because I absolutely _love_ him. I actually enjoy writing the New Year's stuff and Remus and Sirius together, it's great to look and see how mature Remus is and how young Sirius acts. You could make him act like a 5-year-old and it would still work. And how much Remus _needs_ to let loose sometimes. So I gave that to him. (Again.)

Thanks to James for actually reading something that I told him too. You are the wildest best friend anyone has ever had. (yes, I did base the whole "MY BEATLES CDS!" scene on him. And I absolutely love him for it.)

Congrats to Taela for being my 50th reviewer! And I'm glad to see that some _wonderful people_ reviewed for the first time and I love them for it. But as for Taela...I love her very much. She HAS, IN FACT, figured out the mystery of the warlock. There's more at the bottom, but mby now I've bored you all out of your pants. So, without further ado, I give you:

_**Chapter 10**_

_**Grimm Old Place Party Central?**_

"Come on, if Snape can snog Sinistra under enough firewhiskey then you sure can snog Tonks. Under no firewhiskey whatsoever. Because you hopeless slogs love each other."

"Sirius,_I don't want to._"

"I think you do. And because you do—"

"I don't."

"—look, it's _Snape and Sinistra._ I don't think you can get any more wrong. You'll be fine! Firewhiskey makes miracles."

"Sirius, what part do you not understand? I—don't—want—to. What part?"

"The part where you say 'don't.'"

"I DON'T WANT TO KISS HER!"

"I think you do."

_I do too._

"Peer pressure!" Remus said laughingly. "Look, I don't want to like her, therefore I will not, under the influence of whiskey or not, 'snog Tonks senseless,' as you say it. Plus, drinks make fools of us all. And it would be foolish to kiss Tonks. Therefore, and I say it again, no."

"Yes."

"No."

"Please?" Remus rolled his eyes and avoided Sirius' eyes. Part of him _did_ want to cross the room and kiss Tonks...but the other part of him knew it was wrong. Very, very wrong. Because, of course, no one can ever love a werewolf. But Sirius was right on one part.

You could not get anything more wrong than Snape and Sinistra.

That was just...eww.

_But you and Tonks..._

Remus rolled his eyes. He wondered, however, what the reacion would be. What would happen if he just waltzed over and kissed Tonks? And once again, the same question came back to haunt him:

What did she see in him? Why did she like him so much? He knew why he liked her, of course. Anyone that saw her smiling face, her carefree air, anyone that knew her clumsiness, her personality, the way she could make anyone smile about anything...how could anyone not like her?

But he was _not_ supposed to be thinking like that.

He suddenly felt Sirius' breath in his ear. "You're loo-king at her," he whispered in a singsong voice. "Why don't you -kiss- her?"

"No, I wo-on't." He said back, smiling all the same at his best friend. Who could be mad at their insane best friend, with 'The Beatles' playing, in the middle of a New Year's party that was actually quite entertaining.

Sirius took this moment to change the words in 'Julia.' "Nyyyym-pha-dorrrra...Nyyymm-pha-dorraaaa...when I think of love I think of yoouuuu...Nyym..."

Remus, blushing, sighed. "You have a horrible voice," he commented, trying to forget the lyrics.

"Psh," he scoffed. "You're just jealous. Anyway, that wasn't the point."

"Then what was it?"

"Did you not hear my amazing lyrics?" Sirius asked him curiously. "The magical replacement? Hello? I know that you're not thick."

"I don't care what Snape does with Sinistra, all I care about is the fact that I do not want to kiss Nymphadora. In fact, exactly the opposite. I want to sever ties with her."

There was a moment of silence between the two, filled by the blaring music of 'The Beatles' and the murmur of talk around them.

"So…" Sirius said, dragging out the 'o.' "Want a firewhiskey?"

"SIRIUS! WHAT PART OF 'NO' DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?"

"The reason why you're saying 'no,'" he answered simply. "Seriously, I agree with Tonks, not you! And this, I think, is record-breaking. The one time I agree with my clumsy second cousin and not Remus Lupin, me best mate and the local genius."

"And killer werewolf," Remus added.

"Yeah, and—" he paused. "Hey! No you're not! Well, yes, you are, but you're not really supposed to say it like _that_. I mean, you're an all around nice guy, right?" Remus laughed and rolled his eyes, sipping a butterbeer. Sirius seemed to have another sudden idea. "Want another…hundred or more of those?"

"Of what?"

"Oh, come on, I know how much you love butterbeer."

"Sirius…"

"Okay, so what if I want you and Tonks together? Is that a sin?"

"What would you do if I said yes?"  
"I wouldn't care."

"Okay. Just wondering."

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

Tonks and Ami stood, unlike the two men, at the center of attention while dancing their hearts out. They swung around to the music, knowing that she was a terrible dancer but not caring anyway. Tonks grabbed the arm of Kingsley Shacklebolt and swung around him, smiling and wondering if he'd ever actually let loose. She was surprised, obviously, when Kingsley took her other arm and swung her back in the opposite direction. Ami caught her with grace and the two best friends laughed. Tonks blew a sparkle playfully out of her face. Kingsley pulled her up and spun her to Charlie Weasley, who pushed her back to Ami. Tonks grabbed Ami's arms and the two sashayed around wildly laughing and winking at equally hysterical spectators. Tonks spun and took that arm of Henrietta Isaacs (who she didn't particularly like, she always treated her like an inferior) and pulled her into the circle. Kingsley grabbed Tonks by the waist and threw her into the air. Tonks vaguely wondered I he'd had any firewhiskey.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

Remus' heart gave a terrible jolt as he watched Tonks dance playfully with Kingsley. Was she flirting with him? He tried to pull himself back to Earth. Was he jealous of Kingsley? It had been he that had told Tonks to go after younger and more whole men like him, and he was pretty sure that he had even mentioned Kingsley's name. But now…he was jealous of them? Jealous of the young men that Nymphadora seemed to be taking interest in. He was supposed to be happy that she was leaving him. But no, he had to be bloody jealous.

"You're jealous," Sirius told him bluntly. "You're bloody jealous. Now go in there and have a dance with her." At this he gave him a sharp push, which caused him to stumble forward a few paces. Angry at him but smiling anyway he grabbed Sirius and dragged him in with him, the two pushing themselves into the circle. A few people, still laughing, lapped as they entered the circle, and suddenly Remus felt alive. Sirius, noticing the look on his face, leaned in to his ear. "It's called having fun, mate. Enjoy it!" Remus didn't need telling twice. He grabbed the arm of the nearest person (which was Henrietta) and spun her with grace to Kingsley. He heard a call from Charlie.

"Oy, Remus! Someone wants to talk to you!" he called, and then, laughing and swaying, Remus noticed her. Right next to him. He knew that this was a bad idea.

Well, he didn't, but he had figured out a long time ago that most of Sirius' ideas were bad ones.

"Hi," he said simply. Even though he had been jealous of Kingsley and Charlie five minutes ago, now that he knew what they were doing he was positive that she hadn't been flirting. And he was now back to preferring her dating Kingsley. Then, welcomingly taking an excuse to leave her, he moved over to Sirius, who had been helping himself to several glasses of firewhiskey (he counted seven deserted glasses in sight) was looking at Ami woozily. Remus slapped him and mumbled 'Aguamenti,' to spew water all over his face. "Sorry to tell you mate, but you have a girlfriend." Sirius tried to wipe off his face with the back of his hand, but he failed. Some water dripped off his nose.

"I knew that!" he said without conviction. "I was…uh…trying to fix her up with Charlie!"

"Brilliant," Remus said simply. "Can you still dance, or should we lead you to a place where we can submerge your head in water?"

"I'm fine! And you just want to get out of the circle so you can get away from Tonks!" Remus ignored the fact that Sirius had hit the nail on the head. He forced him off his chair amd the two returned to the wild dancing riot, and a few of te drunken spectators had gotten into a wild fight over a dropped galleon.

"Drinks make such fools of us all," Remus said non-chalantly to no one in particular, watching the riot with a pitying face.

"Yeah, that's why I try to avoid them." He turned and looked to see Tonks standing next to him. His face broke into a smile. He was having fun. And the woman he loved was not going to ruin things for him.

"I'm not sure Kingsley does though," he remarked, smiling as Kingsley's insane tactics increased with every half hour. Nymphadora laughed appreciatively and started to sway slightly to the music. Remus followed her and soon the two were back into the swing of things, Tonks moving her shoulders with Ami and Remus doing nan insane dance with Charlie and Sirius. Then, near 11 o'clock, sweating and smiling, he and Sirius returned to their corner. And after at least ten minutes of silence, Sirius shrugged his shoulders.

"I seriously was trying to fix Ami up with Charlie." Remus sighed and put a hand in his face. Laughing, he leaned up against the wall and sang along to the current Beatles song. This lasted for about 50 minutes, actually, with snippets of conversation between the two of them. Then, fifteen minutes until midnight, Remus came out of his reveree. It was very sudden, but he had a feeling that he was — being watched. By Nymphadora. She was actually extremely close to him. Mere feet away.

"Yes?" He said politely.

Tonks smiled and pushed her long, blonde hair (a style she had just adapted) behind her ear. "I overheard your conversation with Sirius. I just wanted to say…well, show…" at this she merely pointed to a corner where you could see Ami and Charlie tightly wrapped around each other.

"Ha! Ha! WHO TOLD YOU!" Sirius said gleefully, laughing and pointing in their direction.

"I think he's had one too many drinks," Remus said to her in an undertone.

"One?" Tonks said humorously as she watched the giddy Sirius. "Don't you mean, like, seven?" Remus laughed appreciatively. Suddenly there was a loud riot from the whole crowd.

"TEN…NINE…EIGHT…" slowly everyone joined in. "SEVEN…SIX…FIVE…FOUR…THREE…TWO…**ONE!**" There was cheering and insane screeches from the crowd and the grandfather clock fired 12 cannonball-like items at the opposite wall.

"HAPPY NEW YEARS!"

------ ------- ------- ------ ------

Well, that was a wonderful New Years in…October…chapter. But I had fun writing it. And Snape / Sinistra ROCK. (I'm kidding)

**Contest Update:** As you read above, the _wondrous Taela_ has figured out the mystery of the Warlock! Yes, he is in fact the warlock that taught Sirius the truth spell (thingy), but I was looking for something more, seeing as HE HAS APPEARED IN THE HARRY POTTER BOOKS!!! I love him very much, and a hint on where to find him is this:

Book Two

And since I LOVE Hercule Poroit (or however you spell it) I've decided to STATE THE FACTS that I have ALREADY GIVEN YOU, but somehow those facts can be so revealing. The Warlock is:

Armenian, but he's from Australia (Wagga Wagga, to be exact)

Is _extremely_ forgetful

...but he's extremely smart

We see him in book two

as for Taela...I'd send her the excerpt, for she was _oh so close_ in her PM, she knows who he is, she knows about the village he saved (that's a clue, everyone) but she missing one word from the first time he was mentioned...YOU'RE SO CLOSE!!

As of how he comes into the story...that's another idea completely.

On that note, I love you all!

EP (The HP SLUETH! Oh yeah)


	11. Wishing It Was A Lie

**Disclaimer**: Not mine. None of it. And the **bold** is the wonderful Miss Rowling's.

**A/N:** Taela awesome. Hormorphulus ALL THE WAY. (And if no one can get it from THAT huge hint right there, then I pity you.

And just to let you know, I'm pretty sure that I did AWESOME on those exams that I mentioned, if anyone cares. :)

I miss Loki. :( Yes, Chapter 10 was HORRIBLY, HORRIBLY UGLY, and I shamefully forgot to edit and my beta is gone for a bit.

I am aware that the chapter title of this story is horrible, but I couldn't really think of another one for the Ministry Battle, which has finally arrived! No, as a matter of fact, I don't really like this chapter and it's annoyingly short. I like the next chapter MUCH BETTER. (can you guess what it's about?)

Enjoy!

_**Chapter 11**_

_**Wishing It Was a Lie**_

Damn. It.

Damn. It.

Damn. It.

Tonks stood, dumbstruck, watching the fading patronus as the words echoed around her head. She had always thought that this day would never come. But it just did.

Damn it!

Everything had seemed perfect New Year's eve. And things had gone so wonderfully afterwards. Tonks had even hoped that a little more then a friendship had grown out of it. They had hear nothing of the Dark Lord. And now...

The words echoed around in her head as she apparated to the Ministry. Remus' voice rang out and nothing else could penetrate her head at the moment.

"Nymph," it had echoed: "Harry, Department of Mysteries, Death Eaters," this was followed by a pause, and then..."NOW."

She appeared a second later in the Hall of Prophecy, landing promptly on Kingsley's toe. He ignored it, and Tonks blushing, looked up.

Oh Merlin.

An eerie mist hovered around at about ankle height and broken glass littered the fallen shelves. In a haste to run out of the room, which was devoid of Harry or Death Eaters, she tripped over one. A stony-faced Remus caught her and moved the shelves out of the way with a flick of his wand.

"I called for– Moody– too," he said to them, flinging himself into the main room. "He was– at Headquarters," he panted, his older body allowing him less maneuverability and activity. Then he shouted at the doors in a frenzy that Tonks could hardly understand. Eventually, however, he concluded with: "WHERE'S HARRY?" Surprisingly enough, the door accepted the order and opened the door to the death chamber. Tonks rushed in with the others and stared at the scene before her until she came to her senses and shot a stunning spell at Lucius Malfoy.

"Maybe that'll make up for my half of the tab on him," she said to herself as they made their way down the staircase. Out of the corner of her eye she saw that Sirius had entered along with Moody, but a second later she had to dodge a spell from Bellatrix. She retaliated as quickly as possible. "Vergelding!" she shouted and a yellow light flew out of her wand, sending Bella flying backwards a few feet and into Macnair. Tonks, horror stricken, watched him fly in the direction of Harry, but was prevented from saving him as a jet of green light dashed in her direction and had to dive out of the way to avoid being killed. She had fallen into Dolohov, whom she stupefied accordingly, and sent another spell in the direction of Bellatrix. "Moody!" she called as Malfoy attacked him from behind and his eye was sent spinning out of his head and he fell to the ground. Lupin watched him bleed freely from the head but lunged towards another masked Death Eater a second later, nonverbally shooting a violent spell in his direction.

'Hevig!' he thought and with a jab of his wand, but he conjured a shield with a shout and retaliated with 'vergelding.' A shield charm left his head at the moment and he dived out of the way instead, shoving another Death Eater out of his way. "LAARZEN, ENGE, PIJN!" he shouted while he fell, abandoning use of nonverbal spells. The Death Eater attempted to block them but only deflected one and was forced to jump away as Remus had.

"Slag uit!" Another Death Eater shouted and Remus conjured a shield. Then the steady determination on his face fell. His wand slightly fell and his shield weakened, but he did not bother to re-conjure it. Tonks fell down two stairs, unmoving, and Bella moved away and onto Sirius.

"No..." Then, in anger, he shot a series of complicated spells at the nearest Death Eater, so vigorously and unceasingly that the masked servant had no time to block them. He fell, unconscious, to the ground. 'Please,' he thought, 'please don't let her be dead...' But his face brightened. Moody had awakened and was crawling in her general direction as inconspicuously as he could, but that was not the reason. It was Neville's screaming that brought his hopes up.

"**DUBBLEDORE!"** Remus knew it. Neville knew it. Everyone in the room now knew it. No matter what, they were saved. And the Death Eaters were caught. Everything stopped. Everyone stared as Dumbledore stood in the doorway for a few moments. He then flew down the stairs and the Death Eaters, as one, sped away and scrambled as fast as they could to the exits. Remus laughed as he pulled them back, one by one with incredible ease, and then he saw it. He felt all the color in his face leave it, his glee that he had felt a moment ago was gone. A jet of light hit Sirius squarely in the chest and he flew back. His eyes watered. He tried to move his legs, to run at him, to save him, but he couldn't move. He was dead. That jet of red light had been his death sentence. Remus knew it. He arched towards the dais and his body sank slowly through the tattered old veil. Dumbledore, too, had turned to watch, and Remus knew, from that moment, Sirius was gone.

"No..." he whispered, then, he saw messy black hair pass his. Harry was sprinting towards the dais...he was going to run through..."HARRY!" He** grabbed Harry around the chest, holding him back. "There's nothing you can do, Harry—"**

"**Get him, save him, he's only just gone through!"**

"**It's too late, Harry—"** He was telling him this not only for Harry's sake. It pained him to do so. His best friend had fallen through the veil. He was telling it to Harry for his own sake too. He had to believe it himself. **"...He's gone."**

– – – – – – –

He had officially entered hell.

That was his conclusion. All his best friends had died, or worse. Of course, he knew he had so many reasons to be happy. Everyone else had gotten out alive, they had captured the Death Eaters, Harry knew the truth, like Sirius had wanted, and he had seen Harry off the train and to his aunt and uncle's. But he saw the negative in every single bit of that. Sure, everyone had gotten out alive. Tonks was fine, Moody was as sane as he had ever been (by Moody's standards) but none of that mattered. Neither of them were his best friends. Tonks was normally a hindrance to him with her endless flirtations and Moody was as cryptic as ever. The Death Eaters had a 99 chance of escaping and Voldemort was gaining more and more power. And Harry knew the truth! What use was that now? The prophecy was _destroyed_, it wasn't like they needed to protect it anymore. And yes, he had seen Harry off the train. What a thriller.

Dead.

He had officially entered hell.

– – – – – – – –

Ugh. I'm sorry that the spacing is messed up on this one. Sorry very much.

Love you all, please review!


	12. Under the Influence of Firewhiskey

**Disclaimer:** Not. Mine.

**A/N:** Wow. This was fun. This was EXTREMELY, EXTREMELY FUN. That is because I am twisted and I am insanely evil to the poor characters. But guess what?

Fun. I had FUN.

Yes, the past chapter was very sad and I, personally, hated it. It got a lot of positive response, though, and that kind of surprised me. But I was pleased. I was _insanely_ pleased with all the reviews I got.

Loki's back! And thanks to ALL of my reviewers, I feel like I've gained so many and I thank you all infinitely. (!!!)

All suggestions for following chapters are welcome, but now I've probably bored you to death and I know you want to read this very _fun_ chapter, which most of you will probably hate. Anyway, I now give you:

_**Chapter 12**_

_**Under the Influence of Firewhiskey**_

Remus dropped his glass with a hollow thud. It had seemed like yesterday he and Sirius had sat there awkwardly, wondering if Tonks had gotten the plans. But that day wouldn't be tomorrow. Sirius. Sirius was dead. He was through the veil. The chances of getting him back were close to zero. "Dead." he said out loud, draining his glass of mead and refilling it with a jab of his wand. "Sirius...dead...Marauders...gone..." he buried his face in his hands and his hands in his hair. "Gone..."

"Hi." No. Not her. Especially not now. 'Please don't let it be her,' he thought, but when he peeked through his hands he saw it was.

"Nymphadoraaa," he moaned, putting his hands down and rolling his head around on his shoulders. His searching hands found his oak-matured mead and drained his glass.

"Yeah, it's me." There was silence. He didn't want to talk. He didn't want to be involved with her in any way anymore. "Moving the mead, huh?" she said, trying to break the silence. Remus didn't answer. All he did was flick his wand and refill his glass. "I think you've had enough Remus." He replied by taking another gulp that emptied most of the glass. She looked at him pityingly. "Are you okay?"

"Do I look like I'm okay?" he said darkly. Tonks jumped.

"Oh, Remus, no, that was a stupid..."

"I just saw the last of my best friends die. Gone. How do you _think_ I feel, Nymphadora?"

"I know. I'm sorry, okay?" Remus ran his fingers through his hair and chose to ignore her. She should just leave him alone. And now!

"No," he said. "You don't know. Leave me alone." In response to this, Tonks walked over to

Remus and wrapped him in a tight embrace. He shoved her off as forcefully as he could. He was through with being a gentleman. Damn her.

Tonks, meanwhile, slammed into the wall from the force of the unexpected shove away. It hurt her, inside. She didn't know him to be like this! He wasn't...right. Sighing, she casually walked to the other end, dragging her hand on the table. When she reach the other end, she preoccupied herself with drawing small, rhythmic, circles on it with her finger. "It's been hard for me, too, Remus," she told him. Lupin snorted.

"Like I'm supposed to believe that."

"Remus….you're not…acting right." He snorted and ignored her. All he wanted was for her to go away. Why couldn't she just do that for him? Leave him alone? Was that too much to ask?

"Yes, because there is actually an incorrect way to act," he said, voice loaded with sarcasm. He ignored the fact that there was. He wanted to be as rude to her as he possibly could.

"I just wanted to talk to you."

"Talk to my mead. You'll get more answers out of that."

"Remus…" Why did she have to be so accepting? How could she like him, appreciate him, and treat him like a human while he was treating her like scum. He felt is eyes well with tears, but since they were already red and bloodshot, Tonks didn't notice. "Remus…I think…that we need to talk."

"Oh?" Even when this statement is normally one of courtesy, Remus' was covered in sarcasm. Sarcasm so thick that even Tonks had to roll her eyes.

"Look, will you just listen to me?"

Convinced that she was not going to leave him alone, Remus sighed. "Fine." Tonks brightened.

"Things have been hard."

"Really?"

"Sirius' death has been a devastating blow…to all of us. I know you think it's just you and all, but…think of everyone else. Think of the rest of the Order, and Harry, for God's sake!" Remus blinked. He _had_ forgotten about Harry. He must have been having as hard a time as he was, maybe worse. He pulled at his hair. Why did Nymphadora have to come down and talk to him like this? Make him feel so damn guilty? "Remus?" she had allowed him a small pause to think about what she had just said. Damn, she had good speech techniques. Remus grunted to show he was listening.

"We can't say that there's not going to be any more deaths, and they're all going to be hard to handle. But this one…it was different. I think we all know that, the two of us especially. And I just think….we can get through this, Remus. And I was kind of hoping…" she paused. "I was kind of hoping that we could get through it…together." Remus sighed. He had been wondering when a suggestion about a relationship between the two of them would come in. He dug at the roots of his hair. Nymphadora looked hopefully at him.

"You mean…_together_ together, don't you?" Remus hoped that Tonks understood what he was saying. She did. She nodded slowly.

"Yeah, I was, kind of."

Great.

Just bloody great.

"You know how I feel about this."

"And you know how _I_ feel about this." Wonderful. Back to square one.

"Look, just...just listen to me."

"I came down here to talk, Remus, not rant. I want a _conversation._"

Annoyed, he shortened what he had been ready to say. "Fine. Here's my portion of the conversation: No."

"And here's mine: Yes."

"Nymphadora, do you know how a relationship works? You know, how both people in the relationship have to _accept each other and want to be in the relationship._"

"You can't honestly say that you don't want to be in a relationship with me, can you?" Remus felt the slightest bit of a blush rise in his cheeks and his answer was a long drag on his mead. He refilled his glass and swallowed half of it. "Remus, please stop drinking."

"Once again: No."

"You're being difficult."

"Really?"

_You are mean. I've just decided. I never would've thought that you would turn out to be so mean. You were an angel at Hogwarts. Or maybe this is the mead talking..._

"Remus..." she trailed off for a moment. "Look, I seriously think...I think it could...it...work."

"Nymphadora, I've already told you–"

"Look! I know you love me, okay? You just have to! And I don't care about any of those

bloody reasons that you tell everyone! And I know that you don't either! And...Remus..." she dropped her voice. "I think you told Sirius."

Remus stood up. "Don't talk to me about him. Especially now."

Tonks cringed and for the first time looked truly scared of his imposing figure. "Remus, I...I just...really. I'm...okay, I won't – I won't...I'm sorry!"

"Nymphadora," he said firmly. "I do not love you. You are too young, I am poor as dirt, and I am a werewolf. End of discussion. Now, please, leave me alone."

"Remus! Please, let me have me say!"

"Leave me alone, Nymphadora!"

"No! Listen–You're afraid of love, aren't you?!? Those aren't reasons why you don't love me, they're reasons why you shouldn't! They always were! It has nothing to do with, with any of this!" she said, aware that her voice was rising and completely ignoring the fact. She was angry with him. She really was.

"NO, NYMPHADORA! YOU'RE WRONG! EVERYTHING ABOUT US HAS EVERYTHING TO DO WITH ALL OF IT!" Remus howled, spit flying from his mouth. "AND THERE IS NO US!" The voice that was normally in the back of his head to contradict him had fled scared for the time being; all that was left was him and his anger with her. She just didn't get it, did she? "YOU'RE AL-WAYS WRONG! YOU–JUST–DON'T–UN–DER–STAND!" He barked, splitting his words into separate syllables, seeing as he wasn't sure his vocal chords could take the strain. "AND I'M NOT BLOODY GOD DAMN AFRAID OF LOVE!"

"All I want from you is something simple! I know you have it! All I want from you is your love for me!" Tonks cried, tears pricking her eyes. She flailed her arms around wildly and leaned forward, as if that would help make her voice louder, and help make Remus understand. She could feel her collarbone straining against her skin as though it would break through any minute. But she didn't care. She'd scream louder if she could.

Remus lost control and picked up his half-empty glass of oak-matured mead. He threw it across the room with an angry shout. "I don't want to give it to you!" The glass shattered against the dusty walls. "Stay away from me, Tonks!"

"I hate you," she said, tears still freely rolling down her face.

"Good," he said brutally, "maybe now you can leave me alone," and before he could make a move towards the door, Tonks had gone, not even bothering to wipe away her tears. She was shaking. He didn't care about her anymore, he didn't act like that. He might as well hate her now. She missed the way his lips would curl into a silent smile every time he saw her. She missed the way he stole glances at her when he thought she wasn't looking. She missed the way he called her Nymphadora. He was the only one that ever did, ignoring her wish. That had been something special between them. None of that happened now. It wouldn't happen. All that was there was anger. Tonks slumped against the doorframe and tried to control herself. She couldn't.

"Nymphadora..." she whispered, grasping her robes to stop her hands from shaking. She took a shaky breath. No one could see her like this. Wiping away her tears, she reached for the door handle, knowing she looked a wreck, but seeing as they were moving things out of Grimmauld Place they had very little time and she had to help. She turned the door handle and heard a very distinct sob come from the kitchen.

**A/N:** There. Wasn't that _fun?_ Yes. I know. I torture you guys so. But you know what? It had to happen. Hopefully I can update soon, but until then, YOU GUYS ARE GREAT! (all my reviewers, anyway...it would be weird calling someone I've never heard from great...)

Anyway, all suggestions are welcome, please review!


	13. After

**Disclaimer: **JKR richer then the queen. Me having trouble raising money so I can go to Washington DC. Let's think about this a moment...NOTMINE.

**A/N:** Don't really have much to say here except sorry for torturing you guys during the last chapter, but it had to happen. Thank you SO MUCH to the reviewers, whether you loved it or hated it you dropped one, and I thank you GIANORMOUSLY.

In honor of the full moon, I give you:

_**Chapter 13**_

_**After**_

She laughed softly through her tears.

She felt that she shouldn't be doing this, but she was. It was like that time in her fourth year when she stole the frog liver and threw it at the Astronomy teacher while she was kissing the Ancient Runes teacher. It was just too damn _awesome_ to pass up.

And mostly everything was spelled wrong. She had never been a very good speller. But that was okay. She could read it.

She shifted her position on the bed and turned another page. She stared blankly at it for a moment before closing the diary over. She tried to think back to when she met him.

Also against her better judgement, of course.

...o...

She was five. Her mother was twenty-seven. Her father was twenty-eight. It was October and the wind outside caused the leaves to fly wildly off the trees and into the endless blue sky. She heard the door open and close, and the young Tonks slipped off her bed and peeked out her door to see who it was.

Five strangers stood there, all but one of them male. The girl had pretty red hair. Tonks liked it. She smiled and glanced in the mirror to see how she looked with red hair. She pulled a face. She didn't like it.

"Hey there, Andy! How's my FAVORITE COUSIN?" Tonks heard her mother laugh and she toddled outside. Two of the men had black hair, like her mom. Her mother had dark curls and vibrant blue eyes. One of the men, the one that had spoken, had long, handsome black hair that fell around his face. The other man had messy black hair and big round glasses. Tonks laughed at them. Her friend Tony had glasses, too. But they weren't big and round like that.

Her laugh seemed to catch the visitors attention, and they turned to look at them.

"I'm Tonks!" she told them boldly. The last man had friendly brown hair and a nice smile.

The woman with the red hair smiled, too.

"Hello there, Tonks. And how are you today?" Tonks smiled and blushed at being addressed by the stranger. She tried to sidestep over to her mother, who picked her up.

"This is Nymphadora, everybody. Say hi, Dora." Tonks smiled.

"Hi!" she waved up and down. Everyone else waved back with smiles on their faces. The pretty woman with red hair had on a very sparkly ring. Tonks liked it. "I like your ring," she told her, pointing. The woman laughed.

"My friend James gave that to me," she said, biting back a laugh.

"Nymph, this is Sirius, James, Lily, and Remus," her mother said, pointing to each of them in turn. They were all wearing robes like her mom did sometimes. Lily had a wand stuck carelessly behind her ear.

Tonks waved again. The strangers smiled at her and went back to her mother.

They had stayed for about a week, and Tonks got used to them quickly.

---

"Guess who I am, Remus?" Remus laughed as Tonks ran out the night before Halloween, her hair short and brown, freckles dotting her face along with big brown eyes along with a little red cape.

"I don't know, Nymphie. Who are you?"

"I'm Little Red Riding Hood!" She spun around in circles. "And Abby's going as the grandma and my friend Tony's going as the big bad wolf!" She laughed and sat down in his lap.

A shadow crossed Remus' face. Tonks frowned.

"That's nice, Dora. How about you go show Sirius?"

"Where's Lily?" Tonks had grown specifically fond of Lily, although Remus remained her favorite to talk to. And she had also gained a bit of a crush. Remus ruffled her hair and gave her a forced smile.

"She and James are out for a walk."

...o...

She opened the diary again and cursed herself for that moment. She had been _so_ stupid. She smiled again as she scanned the page.

"Not like that's _creepy_ or anything," she said, laughing at what she read. She had been in the beginning or her third year, which had probably been the last time she had even thought about him. When she was younger, of course.

_Dear Diary,_

_I made out with Tony 2day. It was really nice, actualy. I mean, it wasn't like all those daydreams I write about with Remus & stuff, but it was better then kissing Charlie. He was all cute about it._

_I wonder if my pillo kissing paid off. I mean, I've been practicing evr since I thought that I could maybe kiss Remus or anyone else and I wanted to be good at it._

_I wonder if Remus has ever kissed anyone._

_What if he's marryed? That WOULD NOT BE COOL. I mean, how wrong wood that be, thinking about kissing a marryed guy?_

_Well, Ami thinks worse thoughts about the Wierd Sisters lead singer, and he's marryed, but I think its diffrent._

_Whatevr. I have tons of homework and I probably wouldn't be righting in you right now._

_Tonks_

She flipped to the next page and laughed when she saw Ami's writing covering the whole page. 'TONKS YOU HAVE PROBLEMS.' She smiled and covered her mouth, but two fat tears slid down her face.

She missed him already.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

It was uncomfortable inside the warehouse.

It was very, very uncomfortable inside the warehouse.

Remus sat down on the floor, trying to preoccupy himself before the moon rose. In the days he had spent a Grimmauld Place, Sirius had come in to the room, given him the potion, and they would talk until the moon rose, in which Sirius would turn into a dog and keep him company even better then a human could. But now they had to evacuate Grimmauld Place and Sirius was dead.

Remus doodled idly on the dirt floor of the warehouse.

He drew a figure.

He drew _her_ figure.

He knew that he shouldn't, really, but no matter what he doodled it always ended up looking like her. He didn't actually have a talent for drawing and he couldn't help but draw people. Plus, Nymphadora had taken every shape in the book one day or another. He felt a tear roll down his cheek and he groped around for a bottle of firewhiskey. He had gotten so used to one being there. That had been his friend these past few weeks. His only friend. Firewhiskey. Or beer, if that was what he could find. All his hands found, however, was an empty goblet which had held the Wolfsbane Potion moments before.

Reminded by this, he looked out the warehouse window.

He stood up and watched it rise, hating it, hating Greyback, hating Tonks and hating Bellatrix, hating the voice in his head, hating his lycanthropy, hating death, hating Voldemort, hating the Death Eaters, hating people who felt the right to be happy.

He looked down at his feet and saw that one of the tattered laces of his trainers was untied.

He hated the shoelace.

Hell, he hated _himself._

He hated himself for drinking, for getting into that fight. He hated himself for being what he was and he hated the way he had to force people away, no matter how much they liked them.

All he felt was hate.

It surged through him and his eyes burned with a fiery anger, he hated his surroundings. And at that moment, he seriously considered dying. Killing himself. Ending it all.

_Don't. You. Dare._

Glaring, he shed his shoes and watched the mon rise. He glared at that and lunged at the barred window in anger. He felt his teeth start to elongate.

It had begun.

He had often been asked if it was painful. That was hard to place. Yes, the transformation did give him some pain, but that was not the reason why he occasionally felt the need to scream out. It was the knowledge that he was leaving his mind for a new one, separating from one brain into another. The Wolfsbane Potion helped very much, the knowledge that he would keep his own mind during a transformation was soothing.

But things still changed.

Things in his mind, they still altered. No matter how human his mind was, her was still a wolf. Ravaging, he could still kill. He could still attack, even under the influence of the potion.

Millions of hairs sprouted out of his skin. They felt like tiny pins.

His shoulders spread out and his backbone curved, despite his silent pleas and desperate tries to stand upright, to fight it, he would not let it take him...

He fell to all fours and watched helplessly as his hands curved below him to be replaced by paws, he tried to yell out but all that came out was a bark–

It was over. He always knew when it was finished, a silence settled around him only to be replaced by his own heavy breath. He surveyed his surroundings through lupine eyes. He trotted moodily over to where he had been sitting before and looked at the messy sketch he had done of Tonks. He slashed at it with his claws, no matter how bad he felt. He knew he had to apologize, you can't drunkenly throw a bottle at someone and not apologize, but he couldn't love her. He couldn't.

He slashed the image again to soften the dirt curled up on the remains of the crude sketch.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

**A/N:** I must admit, it is a little morbid. Well, a lot morbid, in Remus' case. But you got to admit, they guy's been through a lot of stuff. And as for Tonks, she needs to get that ugly brown hair _somewhere_ along the line.

And as for the "hate hate hate hate hate" paragraph(s) I just anted to let you know that I try to use hate sparingly. Remus is going through a ton of emotion, and so is Tonks in the previous chapter. Just to point that out to you all.

Once again, thanks reviews and PMers. Love you all!

EP


	14. Figuring It Out and Flipping Stances

**Disclaimer:** Everything belongs to Jo Rowling. Get over it, people.

**A/N:** Merry Chrishanakwanaramadanaka!!!!! (Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, Ramadan, and every other winter holiday) It's been a while since I've updated ((sobs)) like, before Thanksgiving ((sobs harder and begs for forgiveness)) and I'm so sorry. I also apologize because I _loathe_ the second half//part//whatever of this chapter. I want to stab it. But sadly, I can't, because it's merely writing.

**A/N 2:** HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS!!!!!!!! OMFG!!!!!!!

**A/N 3:** I love you, reviewers. You are awesome. Readers, too. But I like reviewers better. : ) On that wonderful note I give you:

_**Chapter 14**_

_**Figuring It Out and Flipping Stances**_

There was a soft knock at her bedroom door. Tonks moaned. It had to be him. Who else could it be? And although she had laid in bed from the moment she had fallen asleep to...5:47 pm, on the dot, because she was so distraught, she most certainly did _not_ want to see him.

"Go away," she ordered her pillow. There was the shy sound of a door opening slowly. Why would he even want to see her? She rolled over and glared at the tresses that had changed overnight. She tried valiantly to change them.

Nope.

"I said go away," she told her bed covers as his feet softly treaded the floorboards. Suddenly her blankets were thrown off of her and she felt almost blinded by the sudden change.

"THAT IS NO WAY TO TALK TO YOUR BEST FRIEND!" And standing there, shocking Tonks into oblivion, was not Remus.

But Ami.

Ami had curly brown hair that fell gracefully past her shoulder blades that came the a delicate stop right where every woman dreamed of it stopping. She was fairly tan and had dashingly green eyes. She wore stylish robes that she often decorated herself with careful stitching or beads. And she was the kind of wild person that would throw your blankets off of you when you are obviously going through a _very_ traumatic time in your life.

That was Ami.

And Tonks wasn't all that happy, as shocked as she was to see her. She glared at her and tried to pull her blankets back.

"No, I don't want to talk about it," she said as she valiantly tried to pull her sheets back, "Two: no, I cannot change my appearance, and three...GIVE MY BLANKETS BACK!"

Ami completely ignored her requests. "You mean you can't change? I mean, I knew something must've happened for you to look that pathetic, but I never thought that you couldn't change back..." She paused. "Hey look! I remember this! It's your old diary! I remember I knew the spell to unlock it and-" Ami went ranting off. Tonks often wondered if she had a _tiny_ concentration problem. "OH MY GOD! REMUS! I JUST REMEMBERED! WHAT DID HE DO? WHAT DID YOU DO? WERE YOU READING THIS? AFTER YOU FOUGHT OR SOMETHING? DID YOU JUST TORTURE YOURSELF READING THIS OR. . . _SOMETHING?" _She paused, waiting to see if Tonks would answer. Glaring at her when she didn't, Ami licked her thumb and flicked through the pages. "Ha, ha, I remember that. Pillow kissing."

"Shut up, will you?" Tonks said again, trying valiantly to pull her blankets back. When she failed she turned and plunged her head under her pillow.

". . .You weren't pillow kissing last night, were you. Because that's just wrong, Tonks."

"No! I wasn't pillow kissing last night, no, I wasn't kissing anyone else last night, no I did not write about any of it in my diary, and NO, I don't want to talk about it!" Ami paused respectfully.

"It's not your 'time of month,' is it?" she mumbled. Tonks threw her pillow at her, trying to hide her smile. How did she always manage to do that? She looked down cautiously and slowly rubbed her eyes. Ami looked down pityingly at her. "Want some tea?"

Tonks lips curved into a small smile again. "This is the first time I've ever been offered tea in my own house."

"That's why we're friends," Ami replied, helping Tonks out of bed. "And while I make tea without burning down your flat, you can give me some sort of explanation to why your hair is the same color as a dead chicken."

OoOoOoOoOo

"Well, no, it's not _dead chicken_, it's more _wild turkey_ or–"

"Remus Lupin?" Tonks said miserably, staring into her steaming cup of tea.

"Oh. I get it." Ami shifted in her chair. "Can I ask what happened?"

"Yes." Ami paused, waiting.

"_Well. . ."_

"Fine! I was talking to Remus -"

"There we go. Right there is your problem. Yes, he loves you, Tonks. Okay? We all know that already. Or most of us do. I think even _he_ knows it. But for some reason or another, he is rejecting you. If you force yourself on him he's just going to pull away more. Therefore you should stop-"

"Confronting him about it, I know," she interrupted. Tonks put her head in her hands. "It's just he's so. . ."

"Shut up, Tonks. As many good excuses you have, none of them will work. We know he's 'amazing' and 'irresistible' you lovesick SLUG. But for the time being _Remus is rejecting you._ And you _know_ that."

"I know," she whimpered back, tears pricking her eyes.

"Tonks. . ."

"We had a fight, okay? A huge, earthshattering fight! And there is no way he can even think about loving me anymore! I don't care what you or anyone else says about this - he doesn't! He hates me! He -" her voice quieted for a moment. "He hates me."

"Nymph, see some sense. Remus is not the kind of person that would go from loving to hating someone in three seconds."

"You weren't there, Ams. You didn't see his face. . ." An image of his drunk and enraged figure formed in front of her eyes - him lifting his glass back and the shocking flight she would've never expected to come, the drink it had held seeping down the walls. . .the sob she had heard before she had opened the door. . ."I don't know."

"Just take a break Tonks. Dawlish was pissed when he realized that you missed work today. Try and avoid Lupin for a bit. Your life has been so much _him_ and so little. . .everything else. He probably isn't feeling all that accepting, yet."

"But, I love - "

"It'll be best for the both of you."

Tonks paused for a moment, trying to think of anything to say while staring into her banged up teacup, weary from being dropped so many times. Nothing came to her. "I hate it when you're right."

"I know. But you love me anyway."

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Remus woke up to an incessant knocking on the warehouse door. He glanced down at the shredded drawing he had slept on. It had been padded down from him sleeping on it, unrecognizable. He stood up groggily, straightening the best he could. His back cracked several times.

The knocking on the door continued.

He pulled on his robes and grabbed his trainers, pulling them on absent-mindedly. He sauntered to the metal door of the warehouse and knocked back.

"'Lo?"

The muffled voice of Molly Weasley answered him. "Remus, it's Molly. I was sent to get you."

Remus rubbed his eyes. "Yes, um, who," he straightened and tried to sound more professional. "Where is your Ford Anglia?"

"The Forbidden Forest," she answered hurriedly. "And you. Who was the fifth boy in your year at Hogwarts?"

"Frank Longbottom," he said strongly, magically unlocking the door with a quick flick of his wand.

"Oh, are you all right?" She asked, brushing dirt off his robes. Remus stepped back half a step and took to the task himself. "We're going back to The Burrow for the time being. Well, I am, I mean, you're going with Kingsley to scout out a new headquarters after we arrive there. . ."

"All right, Molly. I understand." They were silent for an awkward moment. She bit her lip. Remus noticed she looked a lot paler since he had seen her the week earlier. "We should go soon, it's not safe to - "

"Just apparate to our walkway, we have an anti-apparation jinx on our house. The Ministry insisted ever since Arthur got promoted and I personally think - "

"All right Molly," he said politely, once again stepping forward into his turn.

"Wait! Remus, I know we shouldn't hang around,"

"No, we shouldn't," he agreed, slightly frustrated at all the stops but hiding any sign of annoyance from his voice.

"I heard about you and-"

"I don't want to talk about it," he said curtly, vaguely aware of his rudeness. This time he completed his turn and arrived instantaneously at the Burrow. Molly arrived closely behind him.

"I just think you should talk to her, is all," she said. Remus flushed, but Mrs. Weasley ignored it and acted as though she had never mentioned Tonks. "Kingsley's arriving at one."


	15. Meatballs

**Disclaimer:** Everything you recognize is Jo's.

**A/N: **Title. Release Date. I'm exploding. Here's a chapter.

**A/N2:** I'm SO SORRY that I haven't updated in approximately forever. I've written this chapter four times, and now I'm finally happy with it. And since I don't really feel like ranting on and on and on today, here's the chapter. Hooray:

_**Chapter 15**_

_**Meatballs**_

"I heard Molly's inviting anyone from the Order to the Burrow. She's making meatballs."

"I thought Molly hated you."

"I didn't say she told _me_." Ami paused. "And no offense, but I'm not sure Molly thinks that highly of you and your 'hip' way of dressing."

"Not to mention I'm the same age as Charlie."

"Hey! He's - "

"I _know, I know,_ but Molly doesn't know that you're _dating_, does she?"

"She would kill me. She's mad enough we're 'friends.'" There was a pause. "You didn't date. . ." Tonks bit her lip and nodded. Ami, very maturely, screamed and threw a crumpled-up napkin at her. "I can't believe it!"

"It was only one snog session! And according to our 'Rules on How to Survive a Love Life' that we wrote in fifth year, 'it's not dating until you either go on - "

"Ten dates or have three snogging sessions,' I know. But we were fifteen!"

"It's over now, anyway. Plus I love. . ." she trailed off and twirled her fork around her plate. "Bacon." she nodded, as if pleased with her choice. "We're secret lovers."

"Ah," Ami said, trying valiantly to keep a straight face. "I can tell. You just devour each other in your love." Tonks giggled weakly and chewed on her bacon. She slowed and stirred around her eggs with her fork in a melancholy way. "I know what you're thinking," Ami said, jabbing her fork in Tonks' direction and taking a hearty sip of orange juice. "And I want you to stop it."

Tonks paused and looked up. "What, you knew I thought that you have the worst orange juice in the history of the wizarding world?"

"No," she replied, unabashed, "I mean that I know you were just thinking about you-know-who. The not the Dark Lord one."

"Shut up."

"You offended my orange juice!"

"I offend your orange juice every morning." For she did. It had become a routine, every other week one would visit the other's flat in the morning for breakfast. This week, Tonks was at Ami's. And as things normally get when you're with a best friend, they normally got fairly giggly, and it often involved Tonks insulting the food.

The past few months it had been the orange juice.

Today was a Saturday, and they were in no hurry. They merely sat around in their pajamas, eating bacon and eggs. And toast. Even though Tonks had burnt it.

"So," Ami said, bored of sitting in their awkward silence. "You want to go to dinner and grab some meatballs for me?"

"I - "

"Good. Now don't force yourself on Remus, bring a nicely sized bowl but don't look too greedy, talk to Ginny about stuff, ignore Remus, grab spaghetti if you can, tell Charlie I miss him, ignore Remus, and tell Charlie that we're on for that date next Saturday."

Tonks twirled a strand of her mousey brown hair around her finger.

"I don't know if I - "

"I want some meatballs, and Molly would probably kill me if I came to the house. Plus, she likes you better now."

"You are _way too_ take charge," Tonks said, taking another bite of her eggs.

"Which is why Scrimgeour is going to promote me someday to head of department, and not you, because _you_ are clumsy and disorganized."

"Oh," Tonks retaliated, "and you aren't," she said sarcastically.

"I know."

"Shut up."

"Orange-juice insulter."

"Remus-sulker-slash-lover."

"Loser."

"But you love me anyway."

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

The one problem with having a best friend is that they can normally talk you into absolutely anything. Even if you know whatever it is is going to totally stress you out until you feel like dying, they will, somehow, using their underhanded best friend powers, get you to go to a dinner where the someone you hate to love named Remus is bound to be, not to mention forcing you to go with hair that looks as though it died before you did, talk to her boyfriend when his mother would spaz, and look selfish when you take extra meatballs 'for a friend.'

Or something along those lines.

It wasn't even as though The Burrow wasn't welcoming. There was already a lot of people there, and the house was filled with welcoming smells of food cooking. Molly welcomed her with slightly sad eyes and a hearty handshake, and for a good amount of time, Remus was easy to avoid.

"Charlie!" Tonks beckoned. As he came over, she lowered her voice. "Ami's on for this Saturday."

"Why didn't she come?"

"Your mum," she said simply. "She was fairly afraid she'd get too carried away and that your mother would beat her with a broomstick."

"Wouldn't put it past her." Tonks laughed a bit and made her way over to the tables in the backyard.

...o...

His eyes darted in her direction as if he was trained to do so. He wondered why he had come. Any excuse would've worked - anything! Anything to avoid seeing her melancholy posture, to look at her limp hair. As he watched her walk through the door, laughing at joke Charlie must've told, he felt his heart jolt and Molly's urge to talk to her echoed in his heart.

What should he say to her? What should he do? How could he make up for the horrid acts he had committed? How could he talk to her? Did she even want to talk? Did she still love him?

Did she still love him?

The question echoed in the back of his head and her eyes flicked to him. His heart dropped as he looked at the empty eyes, and even though her mouth was smiling her eyes remained sad and cold. They penetrated his soul and he felt his hand shake the chair he was casually gripping.

Still shaking, he pulled the chair out for her. Tonks stopped and stared. Remus heart beat faster. He could feel it in his throat. He felt a bead of sweat roll down his neck. He gulped.

After a long stare, she pulled a chair our for herself halfway down the table, next to Ginny.

Did she still love him?

...o...

Tonks took her seat nervously and glanced down the table at a downtrodden-looking Remus. Why did he look so disappointed that she did not take the seat he offered? Wasn't that one of those classic tricks where you get the person to sit far away from you? Pull out a chair then sit as far away as possible?

Wasn't she already far away enough?

She glanced down the table again and saw Remus staring in her direction, twirling his fork absentmindedly.

"I feel like I'm playing hard to get," Tonks said distractedly, taking the large pot of meatballs from Hestia, who was seated next to her. She scooped three onto her plate and passed them to Ginny.

"With who?" she said curiously, taking them graciously.

Tonks blushed. "No one." Ginny glanced down the table in the direction Tonks had been looking. Her curtain of red hair fell behind her shoulder and she almost stood up to get a better look down the table. Tonks bit her nail and pulled her forcefully back into her seat. "Don't _look!"_ she said frantically. "He'll see you!"

"Good, so it is a man."

"Shut up!" she said, looking down the table in his direction, biting her nail. For a fleeting moment their eyes met. Remus' slightly empty but understanding, Tonks' wide, embarrassed. She quickly looked back down at her spaghetti. "Ami said it would be best to forget him for a while," she mumbled to herself.

"Kingsley?" Ginny suggested. "And it's best to forget him because even though you like each other you can't date because he's a co-worker?"

Tonks stuffed her mouth full of spaghetti and said some nonsense that sounded like she was objecting to it, but in a scared, don't - you - dare- guess way. If she thought it was Kingsley she wouldn't guess Remus, who was sitting right next to him.

"So it's not Kingsley. . ."

"Why do you say that?"

"_Because,_" Ginny said, "If it _was_ Kingsley, you wouldn't have pulled one of those panic-stricken looks. You would've nodded shyly. But you wouldn't have denied it." Tonks crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair. She found quickly that she couldn't pull off pouty as well as she could when her hair was pink and rebellious.

"Fine, go ahead and be deceptive. You'll never guess."

"But you seemed so _nervous_ a minute ago," she said deviously. "So I'll be able to guess." After a few minutes of awkward silence, however, she said, "Can I ask questions?"

Tonks shrugged. "Fine. But only 'yes and no's." She wasn't sure if she wanted her to guess. There was a certain thrill in letting a secret slip that urged her on, but something in the back of her mind was scared and nervous.

"Is he at this table?"

"Yes."

"Good."

"Is he to the left or right of us?"

"Only yes or no!" Tonks said. She didn't want to answer that one. She would guess, and although the thrill tormented her, she hated the tension, and she wanted it to be her secret.

"Is he to the right of us?

"No."

"Across?"

"No."

"So he's to the left?"

"Yes."

"So it _was_ Kingsley!"

"No!"

There was a pause and Ginny took a bite of meatball. They sat there for a minute.

"How're things around the house?" Tonks asked.

"You know," she said simply, scanning the side of the table to the left of the table. "Chaotic, as usual. Phlegm's hanging around me so much. She thinks we're all buddy-buddy and Ron's always drooling all over her."

Tonks snorted into her goblet of wine.

"I'm serious!" she said, "she's so annoying and she's kept to me like a puppy when Bill's gone! And when he's back, she just dumps the family and follows him around!" She paused. "And she kisses him every waking moment she gets. She's glued to him. And sometimes it's not even as if Bill's kissing her back. She just hovers around traces his face with her lips!"

Tonks blushed as she realized that she had fantasized about that - repeatedly. Her eyes traveled down the table again. He was sitting there, laughing a small laugh that did not fully extend to his eyes. Her eyes lingered on his hands, still absentmindedly spinning his silverware, his mouth, tilted in a half laugh, his eyes, filled with so much loss yet still able to experience the thrill of joy. . .

"Him?!" Ginny sounded incredulous. Tonks pulled her eyes from Remus as fast as she could and stuck a large chunk of meatball in her mouth, which she promptly choked on. "Him!" Ginny paused. "I can't. . .Really? Rem - " Tonks swallowed hard and shushed her.

"Shut up."

"You fell in love with - "

"Remus! Yes, okay? I did! I fell in love with someone who thinks that we couldn't be together because he's not good enough! I fell in love with someone who is the most perfect man on Earth, but who thinks he's worse then mud. I fell in love with Remus J. Lupin!"

"And you're the one telling me to shut up." Tonks flushed.

"How loud was that?"

"Pretty damn loud."

"Shut up."

Ginny got a devious smile on her face. Mrs. Weasley, Fleur, and Bill brought out some strawberry pudding. Tonks eyed Ginny closely.

"What?" Ginny glanced down the table at Remus.

"You do know there's an anti-apparation jinx on this house, right?"

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

**A/N: **Haha! Semi-cliff! Or cliff. As some of you will angrily tell me in your **reviews** which, by the way, are greatly appreciated. : ) And thanks to every single one of my previous reviews, I love you guys and I'm sorry it's taking a while to update.

Thanks for reading!


	16. The Painful Death of Ginny Weasley

**Disclaimer:** Currently, E Patronum is getting tired of writing witty this-does-not-belong-to-me comments. So, to put it simply, it's JKR's. And it always will be. Even after writing Sixteen Chapters.

**A/N:** Did the wondrous fast update surprise you? I know! Me too! But I'm trying to get faster updates now. The only reason the last chapter took so long was because I was having some serious let's-make-this-character-just had a fight-tension issues, along with the 'flipping stances.' I couldn't think of the right scenario. Therefore I took a short break and wrote "The Jumbled Musings of RJ Lupin," which I'll be posting shortly. It'll be my second long term fic that lasted more then one chapter. ((Although "In Another Light" is _still alive! I can feel it!_)) If you could review that (to shamelessly self-promote) I would love you forever and always.

**A/N2:** However, this update was really fast. Like, really fast. Don't expect things this fast. And the chapter's pretty short, anyway. But I love it. Kind of changed from what I thought would happen two chapters ago, but I still like it. I don't think it's as good as Meatballs, which was a pretty damn good chapter. But I like it this one. Yet I don't think it's the best.

**A/N3:** Is thisrecurringdream happy with me? It's up the next day? Yeah? And as for all my other reviewers: thank you, I love you, hug, hug, kiss, kiss, endless thanks, kiss hug yea! Okay, as fun as that was, I'm going to stop sounding all gooey and stupid and let you read the chapter. But first I would just like to thank everyone for coming all the way to Chapter 16 with me. It's great.

Although I'm not sure I like Chapter 16 as much as 15. But know I'm just ranting. Ranting ranting ranting. : ) Here's the chapter.

Hooray!

_**Chapter 16**_

_**The Painful Death of Ginny Weasley**_

"When I get out of this room," Tonks brutally told the wall, "Ginny Weasley is dead."

The wall didn't say anything. Tonks kicked it. Then she threw herself onto the bed, pulling a face. "And it will be a painful death, too." She got up restlessly and kicked the bed. "Shut up." She wasn't exactly sure why she was talking to inanimate objects. Or why she was telling them to shut up when they couldn't talk in the first place. Maybe she had finally gone insane. And with that pleasant thought, she glanced out the window and saw Ginny walking into the house with Remus. From the way he was moving, he looked a bit reluctant. She shivered. They walked into the house.

Ginny Weasley was _dead._

It would be lingering. Maybe Sirius would let her borrow Buckbeak. That might work. Or a duck. Killing Ginny by pecking her to death with a duck would be a good one.

But where was she going to get a duck?

She sighed. How could no one else have noticed that she was up here? No one! She tried to open the window. Locked. "I think it's illegal to take someone's wand," Tonks told the Chudley Cannons bedspread. "I could get her arrested." She sat down in a melancholy way and kicked the night stand. "But I'm not sure if I'd be allowed to kill her if she was in Azkaban." Yes. Arresting her wouldn't be the answer. How about pulling out all her teeth and shooting them at her?

That would require a gun.

Nevermind.

There was a quick opening and closing of the door. Tonks felt her heart jump and stared at the floor as though she could break a board with her mind.

And escape.

Then kill Ginny by strangling her with a giant bat.

No. That's not as good as the duck.

"Tonks?" His voice was shy and quiet. Tonks stared at the floor with renewed intensity. Then, in a voice even lower then a whisper, "Nymphadora?" Her heart stopped beating. Her body melted into a puddle on the floor.

"Please, Remus, you sound like you're taking role call."

"Where are we going?"

"No where until miss Ginny-Dead-Weasley gets back up here."

"Were you planning on going anywhere?"

Tonks felt Remus sit down on the other side of the bed.

She didn't say anything.

"I'm so sorry, Nymphadora." He said. "I'm so sorry." Tonks glanced over her shoulder. She saw his greying brown hair. It curled up a bit at the ends, up into his neck. She couldn't help but relish him being so close.

"You had every right to be mad at me. You have your opinions. I have mine." There was another long pause. Tonks wondered if his hair was soft.

She felt her heart pick up pace.

She could throw her into a pit of manticores.

No. That wouldn't be lingering.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Fine." She dared another glance. His shoulders were slumped and his arms were shaking. His robes looked so soft.

"Why are you so forgiving?"

"Have you ever been in love?"

...o...

Her answer surprised him. He had never talked to a person, save Dumbledore, who answered a question with a question of their own. But it was all that she needed to say. He wondered what she was thinking.

"Your eyes are so cold now. Empty."

"So is my heart," she answered. How did she always know what to say?

"When's Ginny letting us out?"

Tonks checked her watch. "Forty-five minutes."

"Oh." There was an awkward pause and Remus shifted on the bed. He glanced over at her. Her hair was a shade lighter then his. Her posture was slumped and sad. He flicked a bit of dust off a big black 'C.' "Does she expect us to make up?"

"Yep."

"Oh." He paused. "Does she expect us to fall in love?"

"Probably."

"Oh." He paused again. "Did you tell her how I feel about this?"

"Tried." She sighed from her side of the bed. "But she locked us up here anyway."

"Oh." And for the first time all night, he did not want to talk to her. He had been longing for the grace of their conversation, the melodic sound of her voice. But now, if he could have anything, he wanted to be out of there. He did _not_ want to fulfill any of Ginny's wishes. Except, possibly, to make up. But it was so much easier to avoid love when they were fighting. Then she wasn't forcing herself on him every minute of every day. "So how's Ami?"

"Fine." She paused. "Ginny Weasley is so dead."

...o...

Had conversation ever been more embarrassing? Ever so awkward? Were they setting a record? And did he want to kiss her as much as she wanted to him? Or was he merely scared out of his wits?

She glanced over at him. She glimpsed his face before he shifted to look at the floor. Yes. Scared out of his wits probably covered it. Scared something was going to happen. Scared of a relationship. Scared that they were possibly going to become something they never would. How could he possibly be so scared of what could happen in a bedroom for an hour?

Oh. Well. That made a little sense.

She could boil Ginny in a vat of oil. That would be painful.

But not very lingering.

She still liked the duck idea.

But why was Remus so afraid of love? Why was he so fearful of becoming attached to another human being? Why was he always so scared? And as she sat there on the bed, staring at her knees, she had a small revelation:

She saw an old picture Sirius had of the Marauders.

She saw the grim fate of the Potters.

She saw the stare he had given her when they had first met.

She saw Remus telling the story of his father's death with empty eyes.

She saw Sirius falling through the veil.

And the expression Remus had on his face when he told the others the news.

She saw the fearful look he had given her, for a fleeting moment, when they had gotten Harry off the train at King's Cross.

Finally, she saw Remus, enraged, spit flying from his mouth, declaring that he wasn't bloody god damn afraid of love.

And for a moment, as she sat there, she realized that it wasn't love he was afraid of. It was losing it.

Tonks stared at her knees.

Maybe she wouldn't kill Ginny quite as painfully.

"Nymphadora?"

"Yes?"

"Did I tell you I was sorry?"

"Yes."

"Okay." He paused for a moment. "Good." There was another awkward silence. "How are we going to kill Ginny?"

"Perhaps not as painfully as I planned," she said softly, getting up off the bed and going back to the window. She looked down at everyone else. She could almost smell the strawberry pudding. "But she's still dead for locking me in this room." She paused again, then very quietly, "maybe with a duck."

"Is she dead for locking you in this room with me?" He didn't seem to have heard the duck comment. But she didn't care. Her heart gave a jolt. Had he just asked that?

"Does this mean we're friends?"

"It depends on your answer."

"Let's say acquaintances, then."

"Why?"

"It isn't a very good experience when you're in love with a friend."

"Nymphadora. . ."

"I still don't care."

"I do."

"Fine. Go ahead and care. I just want you to know that I never will."

"Can't you try and see it from my eyes?"

"Can you try and see it from mine?"

The door opened. Tonks had no idea what to feel. They had been so close to _something_, yet that something was probably destined to turn into a fight. But now they would never know.

"Ginevra Molly Weasley. You are so dead."

Now, where was she going to find the duck?

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

**A/N:** Before you ask, no there's not going to be any more of the little Order get-together thing. Although I did rather like this. It was very fun. Once again, I love reviews and reviewers. It's great when people drop lines. : )

Ta-ta,

EP


	17. Meaningless

**Disclaimer:** Not. Mine. How many times do I have to tell you guys?

**A/N:** Okay, I just skipped about 20 billion things, but you know what! Nothing happens between Remus and Tonks then. . .so. . .I apologize! It's almost over! I'm going to go cry in a corner because there's one chapter left!

**A/N2:** I don't really like the title either. Nor do I like how I jump from that weird beginning introduction thing to something else. And if you WANT to read the Dumbly's death scene, BE my guest. But I'm not going to be the one who writes it.

**A/N3:** Warning: Hospital scene. Not as Harry sees it. Or hears it. A bit different, and I butchered my favorite quote up a little because it was too. . .perfect. So there's a tiny warning.

_**Chapter 17**_

_**Meaningless**_

"_Can't you try and see it from mine?"_

He rolled over in his bed.

"_Can't you try and see it from mine?"_

He buried his face in his pillow.

"_It isn't a very good experience when you're in love with a friend."_

He puffed his pillow and turned it over so the cool side was facing up.

"_Can't you try and see it from mine?"_

"Shut up!" He ordered his pillow. It didn't do anything.

He turned over and stared up at the stucco ceiling. When he was unable to distract himself, her took his pillow from beneath his head and covered his face with it. He tried humming some Beatles tunes. He decided that it was a failed attempt by the time he had gotten through an album.

It had been _so long_ since that stupid party.

Why couldn't he get her out of his head?

'Don't answer that,' he thought immediately.

_You're learning._

"But what," he asked the ceiling, "_does_ she see through her eyes?"

He tried to delve into what she could've been thinking when she looked at him with those beautiful brown eyes with that tragic expression on her face. Trying to force him to understand while his heart pounded overtime trying to pretend she wasn't there.

"Oh."

– – – – – – –

The next day, his entire night was forgotten.

His entire _life_ was forgotten at that moment.

Bloody hell, he was dead.

Dead!

He couldn't be dead! How? How could he die? How could he ever leave them like this?

And now?

And now, with the war upon them like an angry beast, he leaves. The freakish monster about to tear the Order to bits, and what does he do? He downright _leaves_.

Dead!

How could he possibly be dead!

How could Snape turn on them like that?

How did the Death Eaters get in in the first place?

How did it all happen?

Bill injured, Hagrid's house torched, Snape fleeing, Dumbledore -

Dead!

Remus ran his hands through his hair. The man that had let him into school, planted the Whomping Willow for his sake, given him a job, saved so many lives -

Dead!

Leaving more problems behind then he solved, he left for the end of his adventure.

Or maybe it was just the beginning.

. . .and now, of all the things for _anyone_ to talk about, what were they discussing? What were they talking about in the dingy, cold yellow light of the hospital wing? How did everything - _everything_ - always come back to the dreaded subject. He had said it outright twenty-eight times too many, talked about it two hundred times too many, reasoned with her a thousand times too many, and right there he merely wanted to shout at her, make her see, make her stop! And now! How could she ever even consider talking about it now?

It was meaningless.

_You didn't think like that last night. . ._

Dumbledore was dead! And what was she talking about? Love! Of all things she could be talking about, crying over, what was she doing?

Lecturing him about how she felt!

And how he should feel!

Again! Didn't she understand?

He lapsed into his thoughts for a long moment. Did he?

Of course he did. Didn't he?

"It's what he would've wanted. You know it."

Those were words he'd never thought he'd hear out of Arthur Weasley. But the words were some of the truest he had heard in a while. Had it been six months ago had they had that Order meeting? Where, of all the things he possibly he could've said while pulling him aside, he merely asked,

"_How's your love life?"_

The twinkle in his eyes had been distinct.

Remus was pretty sure that his blush had been as terribly noticeable as the dancing light in his electric blue eyes.

His voice felt hollow and his face felt pale as he rehashed his own arguments once again. Again! She didn't get it. She never got it.

_But you never really got it until last night. . ._

'My God will you _shut up?_' he thought to himself.

Staring at his trainers he spoke, concentrating all his willpower on the dried mud that had gathered on them. "I'm too old, too poor, too dangerous. A million times, Nymphadora, at least!" He could feel her crying. He didn't exactly hear it, or see it. But he could sense it.

"Remus, how can you be so blind? How can you ignore the fact that your bloody arguments are worn down to bits? Evidence stands in front of you, look! Look at Fleur and Bill! How can we be much different then them?"

"We are," he said quietly. "We are different." Now he could hear her crying. A soft sob, he could almost see the tear traveling slowly down her cheeks, catching slightly on her worn, limp hair. He could see her crying. But most of all he felt it. Him torturing her, he felt her tears. He suddenly felt aware of all the other pain he had caused her - everything. Her permanently empty eyes ever since that faithful day a year ago.

How could _he,_ Remus Lupin, ever be able to do that to her?

_Her!_

A woman so perfect, colorful, beautiful. How could it be him that caused her appearance to appear limp and worn? Him, threadbare, worn, boring and tired, old, poor, dangerous. . .

Why was he thinking about her like that?

_Hmm, _said the little voice sarcastically. _Let me think. . ._

"How?" Her voice was so quiet he never would've heard her if it wasn't for the fact that he saw her lips form the words. He saw a tear caught on the side of her mouth, he saw a delicate hand trail up to wipe it away, and he saw her tongue involuntarily lick her lips.

He chose to ignore her and he felt the back of his neck grow hot. He didn't know how they were different. But he knew. He knew.

_Psh. You two are different from Fleur and Bill. And I'm the queen of England_

He saw her scribble a note on her knee, get up, and walk away. Dropping the ragged parchment in his lap. He watched her leave. His heart lurched unhappily.

He picked up the frayed parchment and looked around. Molly and Fleur were sobbing. Everyone else was crowed around Bill.

Remus said a silent prayer for his safety.

Then he picked up the parchment.

He couldn't believe that he could hate himself so much. For being so horrible to her.

_Remus,_

_I'm sorry._

_I love you._

_I'm so sorry._

_I never truly understood what love is to you. I never understood why you fear it so. Sometimes I lay awake in bed, and after a bit, I know. But it's an unsure kind of knowing that writhes in the pit of my stomach._

_I do know, however, that everything that's happened between us has something to do with it. My love for you, mainly. Our shouting matches, our silent treatments, our awkward neutral friendships. . .all because I love you. Life's been a roller coaster._

_I'm sorry for making you so unhappy. I hate myself for that._

His heart lurched as he turned the scrap of paper over. How could she blame herself? And how could she think that she made him unhappy? And why did she hate herself for that? It would never be her fault that he denies love! How could she be unhappy because he was? Why did she care so much? And why did he?

Why did he care so much about how she felt?

Well, that was an easy one.

He loved her.

He couldn't stand her being unhappy, angry, in pain. . .he couldn't stand her with someone else, he couldn't stand her not speaking, he couldn't stand her not changing her appearance - he couldn't stand it when she wasn't with him.

He loved her.

_We aren't denying anything anymore, are we? After two _freaking_ years, you just took a happy leap in the right direction. Huzzah._

The rest, on the other side, looked even more rushed, as if she was nervous to write it. Nervous, anxious, scared, maybe. Scared of his reaction. Which made a bit of sense once he read it.

_I'd like to sort things out, Remus. I know we've tried, but I don't think I'd classify that as trying. You know as well as I do that neither of us was listening to the other._

_I was wondering if you wanted to listen. I do._

_I want to know._

_Will you meet me in the Hogwarts Courtyard? At eleven tonight? Then you can ignore me or slap me or do whatever you want. Anything for you._

_Tonks._

He wanted to scream.

Why did he have to fall in love with her?

– – – – – – –

Why did she have to fall in love with him?

The tears fell even more freely now. She hugged her knees and wiped her nose on her robes. Absolutely everything that could've gone wrong had.

A large sob escaped into her robes and she shook as the renewed tears fell even more heavily. Why couldn't Remus understand for once? Once! Once was all she needed! Once was all _he_ needed! Why couldn't he listen to her for once, listen and actually hear her?

She picked up a stick and poked it into the serene water of the lake. She was leaning against a tree, caressing the soft grass beside her with one hand and pummeling the lake with her retrieved stick.

Why couldn't he just hold on to her? Just once? Just this one time to make her feel better, to kiss her softly and to make her forget the events of the day, to hold her tight while they melted away into their own universe? Why?

She gave a strangled and frustrated cry and thrust the stupid branch into the lake.

For some reason, this made her cry even harder.

Slowly, with a quiet intensity that made her tears subside, one of the giant squid's tentacle's rose out of the lake and came to rest at her feet. For a moment Tonks stared at it, completely mesmerized. Then, without thinking about what she was doing, she picked it up. It was soothing, somehow. It wrapped slowly around her arm and stroked it in a somewhat comforting way. It pulled away so slowly Tonks was unaware of it leaving, and it seemed as thought that in a matter of seconds it did the strangest thing. It returned the stick to her, and then the tentacle sunk back into the depths of the lake.

After a moment, she wondered if she had even seen it at all.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – –

**A/N:** Chapter 18 is the last chapter. Chapter 18 is the last chapter. Chapter 18 is the last chapter. Chapter 18 is the last chapter. Chapter 18 is the last chapter. OMG.

**A/N2:** Did the beginning suck? I'm rather fond of the ending, but you can berate that too, if you want. And yes, I know it's a bit longer than my normal chapters. But as I near the end I want them to be longer in order to draw it out. So huzzah, and I'm going to miss this soo much! Next chapter it's over!

Or is it?

Suspense!!!


	18. The Courtyard

**Disclaimer:** Not mine, and it never will be. Honestly, listening to this spiel chapter after chapter must get a bit annoying, doesn't it?

**A/N:** Well. Last chapter. :'( Didn't get a lot of reviews for the last chapter and for a while I was reduced to review beg. Luckily, I am out of rehab and totally fine now. : )

I'd also like to mention that writing this has been a great experience and I've found a lot of good friends in all of you reviewers. I'm really going to regret ending this, but here's the last chapter. The thing that actually started it all, though was a one-shot entitled 'The Courtyard,' and now that one shot has been revised (over and over and over - trust me) into something totally new. The whole thing has given me this story and the experience.

By now of course, you're tired of my spieling. So I'll come back when you finish to spiel some more about what I plan on doing after this. But for now, I give you:

_**Chapter 18**_

_**The Courtyard**_

Her throat felt really, really small. Her eyes were red and had dark circled underneath them. In retrospect, she decided that talking to him tonight was not one of her smarter decisions.

She sat down on the bench, next to his slow moving body. Somewhere, a clock tolled eleven, the sound of it echoing out into the night. The grass sparkled with dew. Tonks grasped her two arms together and held herself, cold. Not actually cold, of course. Just. Empty.

Empty.

"Hi Remus."

– – – – – – –

What has he expectd her to say? To sound like?

Not that.

He tried to sound polite, to ignore the dryness of her throat and the emptiness of the

words that she had spilled out of her mouth onto the dewy evening grass. "Hello." The word had taken him so much effort to say. His heart raced and his face blushed.

"I just wanted to talk to you."

"I know."

Silence again. Had it really been that long since he'd had a proper conversation with her? Had he forgotten how they worked?

"I'm sorry," she said softly. She rubbed his arm. He attempted to ignore it and not see her endlessly smooth skin. "I'm sorry for loving you."

He didn't know what to say.

"I mean, it's not like I haven't tried to stop," she told him. "If I could've I would've." She wrapped her arms around him the long way, arms grabbing his far shoulder as she rested her head on the closer one. "But I can't." He started to shake, his hands trembling. He shrugged her away, but the only thing that did was that her hands slowly caressed his chest and back."How can you love this," he whispered. He backed up from her body as she inched closer to him and sudenly spread his arms out wide, as if to fully show himself to her. Trying to make her understand. "Look at me, Dora." He thrust his arms out again and repeated his order when she didn't look up. "Look!" She glanced up. Her eyes were still slightly bloodshot. "How can you love this?" He gestured his arms out wider, jerking them again and again. "Look at me!" He felt tears prick his eyes and his voice sounded strangled. "How can you love this?" His voice was a whimper. "I'm the pieces of an old shattered glass, and you!" He felt a tear prick the side of his eye. "Look at you!"

Tonks merely took the opportunity of his outspread arms to wrap hers around him. Remus shivered. "Have you ever really looked at yourself, Remus?"

"Yes, Nymphadora, yes! I have! And who do I see? A run down old werewolf who brings misfortune to everyone I dare get friendly with. Everyone. . ."

"How is anyone your fault? Anyone? James? Sirius? Peter?_ Dumbledore? _How are they your fault, Remus? How?" He remained silent, and Tonks slowly slipped away. His arms fell limply by their sides. "Have you ever _really_ looked at yourself?" He was still quiet, staring. "Do you know who I see? Do you want to?

"I see someone brave, valiant for facing his misfortune the way he does. I see someone willing to help and accept everyone, despite the fact everyone isn't willing to help or accept him. I see someone kind, generous, handsome, brilliant, smart, passionate. . ." She felt a tear roll down her face. "No one but you sees yourself as you do."

"But it's what I see that matters," he said quietly.

"Old? Poor? Dangerous? What reasons are those? Remus, that - "

"I see you." The shock on her face was evident. "You're all that matters, Nymph. I can't deny it, but can't you see why I have to? How I have to stay away? Can't you see how I - "

"How you what? How you're old enough to be my father? My father isn't _that_ promiscuous, he would've had to have been thirteen at the time. Or is it how you're too poor? Yes, Remus, because I'm badly off with a high-paying job at the Ministry, and of course money matters when you're in love. And oh! Don't forget to mention the _danger_ that none of us are in at the moment. It's not like there's a _war_ on or anything, and the only danger I'll find is in a man who turns into a werewolf once a month, and oh my, he takes Wolfsbane on those nights, so I better watch out." She breathed heavily after her rant, and her brown eyes glared angrily. Remus reached out and ran his fingers the length of a lock of her hair.

"Can't you see how I don't deserve you?"

"Oh, please Remus." Her glare softened and she relaxed her head, tiliting it up toward the sky to examine the millions of stars until she rolled it back to stare at him. "If you're going to pull one of those 'It's not you it's me' things then I just might, I might just," she stumbled over her next few words trying to think of what exactly she would do to him. He listened with an annoyingly polite expression on his face, as if he was waiting for her to finish before he said anything. She slowly lapsed into silence.

"But it isn't you," he said quietly. "It never was and it never will be."

"If you aren't willing to accept me, Remus, then it is me. It's me and it always will be."

"But - "

"Even if you like me Remus, it's me! Me! It's me if you refuse to love me, refuse everything I've ever offered, I'd ever given you! It's me! It's me if you decide that I'm too young, you're too undeserving! It's me! It's me!"

She found herself sobbing uncontrollably.

"It's me," she whimpered. "Me."

She sunk into his threadbare robes and continued to sob.

"Nymphadora," he said, trying to sound comforting. But he couldn't hear himself over the rapid beating of his heart. He stroked her hair. "How could it possibly be you?"

She pulled back, quite suddenly so Remus didn't even have a chance to slip his hand away. He kept it there, supporting her head from the back. "Because I have no problem with _you._ It's you who has the problem with _me._"

"I don't have a problem with _you._ _I_ have a problem with _me_!" He felt his blush deepen, however. How truthful had her words been? His hand slipped to her shoulder.

"_I_ don't have a problem with you." Still more tears ran down her face.

"Nymphadora I can't - "

"You can," she whispered. Her face was suddenly very close to his. Dangerously close. His hand had slid limply down her back from the sudden loss of the safe inches that had been between them. "You always can." She paused. "It's just a matter of trying."

His eyes followed the shape of her lips. They searched her chocolate eyes, roamed over her soft cheeks, danced over the small freckles. . .

He got up.

"I can't try. It wouldn't be right." She grasped the side of his robes from her spot on the bench.

"Remus. . ."

Her voice sang through him and cleansed his soul, her fingers grazed his skin like a soft blanket. . .

"I - "

"Remus. . ." this time her voice shook with grief, her fingers on his robes slipped back, loosening her grips but beckoning him back, her soft breath wafted up his neck. . .

He searched for all his stock-piled resolve and took a step forward, heart aching. He tried to lift his other foot. Every step was taking more and more of his resolve.

"Remus. . ." her voice sounded choked this time, holding back tears. He tried not to picture what she looked like, tried to ignore the sound of her pleas. "Remus. . ."

Was she saying his name just to tease him with the sound of his name on her lips? Did she know how her voice was his spoil? How he could listen to her say his name for an eternity?

He stopped.

"Remus, please. . ."

Had he really only made it four steps?

"I'm so sorry, Remus."

Why couldn't he lift his goddamn foot?

A sob. "Remus. . ."

Dammit, move!

Backwards. Not exactly the movement he had planned.

Sitting down. Not the movement he had planned, either.

He felt arms wrap around his side and her head fall on his shoulder.

"You're crying because you know it will never work."

"No, Remus," she said, shaking her head into his robes and slowly pulling back. "I'm

crying because no matter what I say, you're never going to try."

Dammit. The silence was back.

He stared into her eyes and he knew his resolve was gone. Gone. His heart was hammreing and the little voice in the back of his head was starting to take control of his thoughts. "I'll try. . ."

Dangerously close. . .

His hand was tightening around her waist against her will. . .

So ridiculously close. . .

Her eyes sparkled. . .

The space between them was growing smaller and smaller. . .

Her lips tasted like mangos. . .

Holy.

He was kissing Tonks.

He was kissing Tonks.

And the little voice in the back of his head that normally urged 'no' was not saying a thing.

The kiss was soft at first, pleasant and closed, robbed of passion until her tongue teased his lips and begged for entry, and they continued for what seemed like hours, pouring in everything he had ever felt, trying to express everything he had ever felt for her. . .they pulled back slowly and all he wanted to do was come together again. . .

_Not so regretful now, are you?_ The voice said snidely. He stared at her softly.

"You don't care?"

Tonks laughed into his ear, her warm breath sending shivers down his spine. He leaned closer to her, wanting to touch more of her than there actually was.

"No, Remus," she said, providing no argument or sarcasm for once. "I don't care." She paused a moment before, under her breath, mumbling the words 'bloody idiot.'

Remus laughed.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

**A/N:** Well. Well. Well.

It's been quite an experience writing this, for sure. I've really enjoyed it and I'm glad that people like what I've been writing. However (there's always a however) I'm going to be taking _extended leave_ (fancy phrase!) up until DH, possibly past it. For a while I have been planning a three-shot prequel and a sequel or two, but I'm going to break for a while. A long while.

Please leave a review, since my review-begging rehab has not totally stopped me from asking **very politely** if you could pretty please review on the last chapter?

I'll keep everyone who's interested updatde in my profile after the release of DH. After that, I'm not totally sure what I'm going to do.

I'd like to thank all my reviewers one last time and if anyone wants to contact me just PM or review asking for my email. (Gmail email!)

Hope you liked it! Huge thanks to absolutely EVERYONE.

Luvs, EP.

Finny!


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